Another year went by?

One more year? already? what happened to the last one year? come to think of it, whatever happened to the year? well, nothing much really happened. Nothing much? no, no wait! how can 365 days go without nothing happening? and in a crazy mind like mine? I will try to recollect.

After such a brilliant 2010, i know it is not possible to replicate another year like that, especially with the path i had chosen for that year. Still, 2011 could have been better. Can i call this my worst year ever? Am i going over board? I don't know how to describe such a year!

There was a huge failure, there were minor this and thats, nothing i could write here. Some disappointments, some lessons, some moving ons and giving ups, the usual humdrum, i would say. Again, how can you call a year the worst ever, though, there was the biggest loss the family had seen so far?

There were the highs of getting some good friends, becoming closer to old friends; there were always the friends weddings, and the beautiful time spent with family. Still, the thought of the worst year does not go.

Well, this cringing has to stop some where no? Year 2011 is done and dusted; 2012, has come. Happy new year people, life can been bad, worse; disappointing, but life moves on.

Then, there are always the promises which a new year brings on! Well, 2012 has a lot of promises to fulfil.

Riding on God's promises it is exciting:) Here i come, 2012.

Corruption in cricket?

I, like most of you would have, cried when India lost that world cup semi finals against Sri Lanka. It was painful. The image of a weeping Kambli walking out of the ground will remain in my mind forever. That loss hurt. I was taken down memory lane, when our media showed the recent controversies surrounding that match.

My mind slowly rewound every bit of my cricketing memory of that day. Sachin was the only hobby the country had then. Sachin, a hobby? yup! We watched till Sachin batted and went out to play. So my vivid cricketing memory could rewind only till Sachin got out; and yes! after that the entire team collapsed. Nothing unsual about that. They always happen. In our circles we call them the famed Indian walk back!

Nothing unusal? At least i thought so! until, the recent controversy broke open. Some say, that match was fixed. (guess what? even marriages get fixed ). Some say, it was not. Some say, we deserve to lose even otherwise. Some say, We would have won else.

What the heck? Why this hullabulla suddenly? Why do we always expect cricketers to be saints? When the corporate honchos do anything to get money, we accept; Does n't the "Not for profit" BCCI use unfair means? And the famed Indian media? should i speak about them? or our blessed politicans, or our government servants? or you or me? We all use unscruplous means in our work to earn money. Cricket is their job, and they do that.

Let's face it! Cricket and cricketer's are not clean and cannot be clean unless the Indian society; You and me, come out clean. Till then, I have decided to enjoy Sachin's straight drive and celebrate Indian victories.

Don't we celebrate our society's other victories?

Children's day - a cruel joke

This is going to be an impassioned plea. No, Not a plea! I hope at least it does not turn out to be a rhetoric. Celebrating children’s day is almost becoming a cruel Joke. The word ‘almost’ is used here to suppress my anxiety, rather my anger.

I stepped out of the railway station two days before and this small girl touched my feet. The saddest part was this small girl had a child in her arms. I shook my legs and walked away. I felt terribly bad after doing that, but did I have an option? Suddenly I realized that here are two children on behalf of whom this country is celebrating children's day tomorrow.

“The Hindu” Carried this statistics on the children’s day last year and they were stunning.120 million children work as labourers, 25 million between 6-14 do not attend schools, 85% help out in the fields in villages, 11 million survive on the streets begging, stealing, drugs, one tenth does not even reach the age of 5.

The last 5 years only 3% of the questions raised in parliament were on children (An entire session was spent on debating who stole more money!). The government coughs up a meagre 208 rs/- on a child. There are schools in my very own state having a single teacher for 5 classes. FIVE classes? Is that how we want our kids to learn in our schools? And we are talking about a state which is one of the most developed in the country. And greater still, we are talking about the privileged few who have an opportunity to step in to schools.

Let’s face it! Children’s day is a farce, it has been and will be one. Why can’t we celebrate it as our first prime minister’s birthday and keep it simple? We will remember his sacrifices, listen to a politician speak about him, take a break from our daily routine and watch a movie. It suits us better.

It is very difficult to celebrate those whom the world forgot to remember.

Bad day in the office:(

Here comes my 50th post. I never knew i had it in me to write on fifty topics. It is a pleasant surprise even for me, when i look back at my blog. Not that, what i do is great; Most of them i don't even consider good; But, what the heck? these are my words, my blog and let it be the way it is;

When you have a bad day in office, life sucks; Anyway, my daily life has nothing in particular to go gaga about. It is the daily monotonous life, which i dreaded when i quit Cognizant. Nothing has changed much. I see the same books, read the same newspapers, take some notes, look at the same boring faces. A bad day is a bad day still;

When the going gets bad, and nothing in the world i like, i sit here and type the keypads out; This has been my best stress buster for the last year, more so the last two months.

This explains the number 50!!!

wedding blues!!!

Shhh!!! Don't let this secret out! The boys are getting nervous about their weddings.

This is the wedding season of my life. Every new day i get a call from some friend saying he is engaged and the wedding is in such and such date. I could almost get a sense of nervous excitement in the air.

Yesterday, rather two days ago, I went out for breakfast with a close circle of friends. One person in our gang is getting married in a few months time, and he came with his fiancee. This person, i swear, has never before got up before the sun. We have tried many tricks on him to wake him up early, but all in vain. That day, he called up at 6' in the morning and said my fiancee is ready and i will come for the breakfast. 6'? Ah, wedding blues! The girls are pretty powerful, i presume!

The other day i was invited to another friends home immediately after his wedding. We spoke for some time and he came out to drop me to the bus stand. All along our travel, my friend spoke unheard of philosophies on why life had to be like this and why and how i should change! God! I always thought, philosophers are born and not made? 

I hope most of you would have read how my one other friend has become sane at last! Your guess is right? he married! Well, guys beware! and get ready! nobody knows what might hit you. We might even be made to study under the moon light:)

And don't forget, this is a secret!

Life's beautiful changes

Right, here we go! Most of my friends know that I am big Otta Vaai (A person who can't keep a secret to himself). Today two of my closest friends Benny and Udhaya are celebrating their birthday and in my excitement told them that i am going to write about them here. This adds to the pressure, you see!

Love you guys; hearty wishes.

Benny is my childhood friend. I know him from my early school days and we both studied together from class 6 -12. We both did a crazy car journey from Delhi to Sivakasi together, played together in many cricket teams and conducted umpteen programmes in church together. You can see the word together repeating itself so many times, don't you? we are that close!But, Benny was the loner. He even used to play cricket by himself. He had such a short temper that even i sometimes had been afraid of going near him. He went through some tough times in college that i was often afraid he would go in to depression. He was the strict disciplinarian and sometimes that was scary.

Well, Udhaya studied with me in College.He was with me day in and day out in those college days. We sat in the same bench, fought, laughed, played, talked and some times even studied together. So many days he stayed with me in our house.He was the eternal loud mouth. He had oral diarohea. He can talk non stop on any non sense at any time to anybody.  He had so many friends that it is almost impossible to count them. Then, he had this disease. He was afraid of girls. Till his college days he has never spoken to a girl and this always hurt him. He has pleaded many times to give girl friend introductions; Yet this loudmouth never got one, I thought.

Today, when i called up Benny to wish him, he was in Ponnuchamy, having treat with his girl friends (Friends who are girls). He is the College hero now, so much so that the entire community of friends bought him a big cake with his face drawn on it. He keeps texting these days and are always surrounded by friends. Benny! celebrating birthday with friends, most of the them girls?

When i called up Udhaya he was in his home in Pune, serenely made up by his wife Devi. Did i tell you it was a love marriage? He texted me saying that he is having Sambar saadham and rasam for lunch. Yes! of course he had the snake guards as side dishes.Udhaya! celebrating birthday like a saint?

How life has changed. I love the youthful exuberance in Benny brought about by his friends and the Sage like sanity brought about in Udhaya by his brilliant wife. I had never dreamt these changes will take place in their lives. I think both of them will agree as well!

 Life's changes! Aren't they beautiful?

Death - The ultimate enemy?

I keep coming back to my blog, even when i am sad, for this is where i think i am more 'me'. A hell lot of emotions are going through my mind today and sorry if this write up does not make sense to you.

My uncle died yesterday night, probably due to a massive heart attack. He was my "gnana thagapan" (A title given to three senior people in a family for each child born to guide the parents in growing the child). The death was a real shock to the entire family as he was doing well of late. But these things happen, i presume! Life moves on Sam, I told myself.

 Just two days before he was talking to me over phone;I never thought that would be my last conversation with him. My mom was pulling his legs saying we should see another bride for him as he looked trim and had cycled his way home. Even as my family mourns and conducts his last rites, I am sitting here in another part of the country thinking about him, all that he did for us, all that he asked us to do for him, his funny antics and every other thing! Well, finally, everything goes out for a toss, when man lay down in that casket.

He was planning on a family tour, had planned to buy some land, and had planned to cook some dry fish the last day! But, everything came to a standstill yesterday. Well, all our planning, will also be put in to that same casket i think. Is this it? Is this all there is to life? Probably there will be another bright day, when all will be forgotten and our pace of life will catch up to us. Once a year, that too, for some time, we might remember him, but then? Does that mean, man finally had to lose to death, the ultimate enemy?

No, my mind refuse to accept defeat. There is hope. There seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel. May be, we might all meet in heaven at last. What a joy that would be to meet mama and listen to his stories. Yes! there is hope; Death cannot be the end; Death can be and will be conquered. Not through science though, but by that divine hope!

Rest In Peace, mama! we will all meet you there.

Ah brotherhood!!!

Once in a television debate show, they showed this scene; Elder siblings sat on one side of the setting and younger siblings sat on the other side. The debate was on how the siblings had hurt each other. Furious words flew across; I was just hoping nobody throw the mike straight on to his siblings nose. Phew!!! I have rarely seen such anger, disappointment, on the people's faces on that particular show for any other debate. I just could not comprehend;

Don't take me wrong. I did not grow as a single child. I have a brother too! and an younger brother.But,I always thought the concept of siblinghood is one of the greatest inventions of God. Why? Do i have such a good one? I think, I have to agree on this. I have one of the best brothers one can ever have. That debate showed me, why i have to be grateful for having Dan as my brother. Some times, words mislead! Writers exaggerate using colourful words; And many times i ve done that too, but i ve tried not to do that here, at least in personal blogs and so I mean every word of what is said here.

I wanted to explain my brother here, his sporting talents,our relationship, our innumerable useless conversations and all that makes him great; but then, I resist the temptation and will finish off with this. 

The tag "Best brother" sits on him better than anything else. Period.

Manjuka - My sweet sister!!!

I really think God sends some special angels to make us happy, to be the person whom you rant to, who knows you upside down, who will be happy for you and sad with you, to be the first person you sms when you just want to talk to somebody; You know the kind i mean, those wonderful people who make the world more livable just by being in it.

I think, I am luckier than most people. I have quite a few like that. But, Manjuka is special. It is almost a decade since I came to know her. She came to my life when life was in its lowest ebb. I had just failed to get an entry in to medical college by a whisker. I was getting in to depression. Not many people,not even my parents(my closest friends) knew how much i was hurting. She shook me out of that hole, became my biggest friend and soon became a part of my family.

Life has changed a lot; Manjuka got married, and became busy with work and family! We hardly talk to each other these days; Some times we do message. But, some people just cannot go away. you know they are just there, deep in your heart. Just there, a phone call away. Just there, a two hour flight away. Those are the people who make living rich. Today when she called me, just to say that 'hi', I knew how much i love her.

Love you akka, for everything you had been to me, for being there whenever i need you, for your prayers, for your support, for your words. Love you for all these. But, love you more for just being that sweet angel God sent for me:)

Too much of corruption?

Corruption is the hot topic these days. Anna Hazare and his fasting habits have already started to have implications in the Indian middle class. The Indian middle class, with known appetite for gossips in cricket, bollywood and the political gimmicks are talking about how India as a country has been pegged with corruption. Even, luncheons on diwali afternoons were not spared.

The family I stay with in Delhi (Should write about them once!), was invited for a diwali lunch in their friends house. After the usual Tamil style hello's and how are yous, we settled down, as usual men in the hall and women in the Kitchen and the kids running here and there(How i wish i was one of them!). Nobody knew what to talk to the other, and in a typical Tamil manner conversation started off with education. Slowly we moved on to business, politics and finally settled down on the issue of corruption.

Almost every body there except two of us were central government employees, with one working in the CAG(remember CAG of the famous 2G?). We touched on every topic possible, from the why's and how's of corruption, to who is corrupt, to the India Against Corruption,and to the allegations. Everybody had an opinion on everything possible, and finally we shook hands and came out.

I enjoyed the small break, but i had to agree I would have liked a different topic on a diwali day. Don't mistake me, I am a hard core nationalist! I love my country and love every debate on our country. But,I really really feel that we are over playing the corruption card. Yes, the country is corrupt, the politicians stink of corruption, and we don't associate our bureaucrats with honesty. But i have a feeling, that at some point we will have to start looking inward, and for that to happen we must stop talking about them.

After a happy day of politician bashing, sadly i went back to the very same life!

Getting Old!!!

I am pretty sad today. Well, reality some times stare back at you! It was one of those days, where nothing really big happened but a small incident, make you think deep. I suddenly realized my dad is becoming old. Old? not old by world standards; To be frank, not old enough to call him aged still. He is 53 and still has plenty of life in him. But, still, he is no longer the sharp mind he was.

I got irritated today, when he was not able to understand how the "Track changes" work in the microsoft word. I wanted to say, " apply your mind, plz"; Then, in a flash of a moment i realized, he is not the same anymore. The mind, which taught me to apply hypotenuse theorem to calculate the degree of our solar panels, the mind which taught me how an auxanometer works so brilliantly that i still remember every word of what he taught me that day, 15 long years ago, the brilliant mathematical mind which i had often been amazed at, is no longer the same.

I ve heard life will come one full circle and you will become child like again. I ve seen my grand parents some times behave like that. Is this the start of that process for my dad?

Emotion bound, my heart says, 'YES'!!!

Sivakasi

You don't miss home, as much as on holidays. Especially Diwali, and if you belong to Sivakasi there is nothing like it. Though I was not born in Sivakasi, most of my childhood and early adulthood have been spent there. Life in the small towns has its advantages, and Sivakasi had tons of them. It was, still very much is, a rich town. As the world knows, fireworks, crackers and matches are a flourishing industry in that little town.

Nothing was very aesthetic about Sivakasi, and i don't want to use words like fabulous, amazing etc to explain my town. But, I can surely say, Sivakasi is one of the hardest working towns in the country. I can say this with a fair degree of conviction having traveled widely across the country. There was a saying," people who comes to Sivakasi will survive " and that saying holds good even today.

When i look back at the times i spent there, happiness is one word that comes to my mind. We were a happy lot; Yes, we did not have the shopping malls, the air conditioned theaters, KFCs. But, who wants them all; The open grounds, the roof top hotels and more importantly the ever open houses of friends made life all the more memorable.

Life has changed much, but nothing has been as memorable as standing there under the tree shades and talking for hours, or playing cricket on the dusty YRTV grounds or eating those parrotas with friends. Well, truly it can never be the same again.

I miss my home; I miss my Sivakasi.

Father's eyes

I love the song "Father's eyes" by Amy Grant. Those of you, who have not heard Grant before, please do. She has been referred to as the "Queen of christian pop", and remains the best selling contemporary christian singer ever.


"Father's eyes" is one of Amy's best songs. I love the lyrics, so also the music. There is something in that song, which make me hear it one more time; May be, those words "father eyes" has that pull.


The words goes like this

"Eyes that find the good in things
When good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found
Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain
Knowing what you're going through, and feelin' it the same"

The father's eyes had it all; The good, the compassion, that sense of knowing what you are going through. My eyes, do they have it all? I wish I have them!

My father's eyes.

Next step

Well, it has been some time since i came here and one of my fans started complaining(Ahem!!!). I was just a bit busy and could not sit on the computer for some time. Such a show off na? Anyways, we will go straight to the matter. My close friend,a dear brother to me, a person whom I ve looked up to in a lot of areas of life got caught today! yes, you are right. He got engaged. Mr. Samuel Harris, our gang leader is losing his bacherlorship in a soon to be conducted wedding.

This news, got me thinking about how life moves on. I was reminded of the many times we have all been together playing as kids, laughing like crazy, pulling others legs. He was the one who took me to write an entrance exam when i was in class XII (God! that was loooong back). Suddenly we were together again in Chennai, organizing programmes in Churches, thinking of various ways to make India grow (we really did :P). Life really moves on, is it not?

Two things stuck me hard today! one, soon and very soon, I might have to take this step, this next step, huge one, probably the biggest step ( blush! blush! blush!) and the other one......Well, age does not spare anyone.

Driving through life's lessons

When the clutch is released and the car wizzes off the road, Whoa! what a feeling that is. With Amy Grant or Abba singing in the background, on an eight lane road, with just the bit of traffic you need to drive, on a Swift Dzire, and of course with the early morning breeze! There are not many words in English to describe that feeling except the word, Whoa!

Then you turn left, and enter a road, under construction for the last ten years. You look ahead and see 500 cars on the next signal, and with a crazy IT professional behind you honking as if the moment he enters office he will save the country, and a small girl with a child on her shoulders begging for your throw away coin on your side window; Whoa, became a silent, gosh! who the hell invented these cars? what are these people doing here without any work (forgetting that you don't have any work there either!) 

Life in those two pictures, is what life has been in the entirety. Some beautiful days with so much to thank God for and the very next moment, cribbing and yelling, saying it has not been fair enough!

Did n't I tell you, I am becoming a philosopher? See, I am learning life's lessons, even by driving a car!!!

The crazy me!

I always wonder, why i can't live the normal life that people do. Why I had to be like this? When the entire world said IT was the best thing that has ever happened to the country, my mind said "chuck it". When everybody around said Chennai is the best place to be, with all the developments, my mind said, "Pack off". When hell broke loose at my thoughts of going to the interior jungle of Assam, my mind said, well, actually it did n't say anything. It just remained cool and calm.

I believe that there are some crazy, and if i can use the word 'cranky' people in the world; But why should that be me? Every once in a while, I get up and wonder, just like that, why exactly I am doing all these things? Why, my mind, rather my heart, just resists the temptation to Join a good 'B' school and settle down in life? and sadly, why i suddenly want to study, a thing which i had never liked, all my 25 years?

My friend says, "I listen to what my heart says and don't think". Why is that happening to me? Why should I be that person who listen to his heart and not my mind? Ah, question marks, question marks, question marks. They have always been there. Answers, as usual are rare!

Anybody there with one? 

When your friend is just not alright

I don't believe in the waves. The short waves and the long waves. No, not those, which were taught by your physics teacher! Those things actually never entered my brain. When our physics sir taught me the wave theory, I almost thought they are from Mars or Venus. It was way over my head. That is not the point anyway, I am talking about the waves which people say unite you and your friend, or you and your parents! Have n't you heard of that? When I sneeze, I am told, somebody somewhere is thinking about me or when you are not doing well your sweet heart will know some thing is wrong, from another planet. You are with me? I was talking about those waves which carry your feelings!  I ve always thought, that was crazy!

But, today something in me said, call. Call your friend. You have that uncanny feeling no? when you just had to call that friend and say "Hi", even when you have not talked to them for some time, or even thought about them for quite a long time, when you have enough headache's in your backyard? I probably don't know to put it across in words. Yes, I'm not good with words, i agree. Whatever.

I just wanted to say that there is some thing remarkably sensitive about relationships, and I mean those solid relationships we have, that we can almost sense what is happening with the other person. Probably some wave, or some thing else. Human feelings! those sensitive human feelings! I bow.

Without them, probably,i won't be a human.

Coke and a lonely road!

I love coke! I really do. My mom hates me for this, but, can't help it. When that first sip you take, haaaaaa! it feels like heaven. They say, they add this water, that water, not good for health, life will be reduced in to half, and all sorts of non - sense. No, it may make sense, but not for me! For me, that first sip, and the haaaaaa! after that makes much more sense. Leave it, sense or no sense, does not matter. And, have you ever walked along a lonely road. Where, only a car will speed you by once every ten minutes? I am a bit crazy, I really am! I love those roads. I think, i love that silence, with that wizzzzz those car makes.

And, when you walk along such a road with a coke in hand? Don't ask me how it feels!!!

People, not their tags plz!!!

I am reading the book "freedom at midnight" by Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins. Classic! an absolute classic. Not many better researched books you can see. They brought before me the entire episode of our independence. Sad, a french man and an American had to tell me this! I some how missed hearing the independence tales, those heart wrenching scenes, from my own grand parents. I miss them now! at least for this!

Okie, I am going off the track now. Coming back, It is still hard for me to believe, that we were divided just because one is a Muslim and the other a Hindu! Come on, is n't that very childish? I remember playing as a kid a game called country, where we separate our lands in to different countries. I don't play that anymore, nor do i intend to. I have grown up, you see! Never, in my memory have i been in a different team or a group, because i am from this community or i follow this religion of this sect or whatever the hell you call them.

No, it hurts! simply hurts, when people look at you differently just because you are born in a certain family or you have certain ideas. I look everybody as humans, Homo Sapiens; at least to my eyes, every man look the same. Plz people plz,  we are all human beings first, Christians next; human beings first and one of those million castes next.

I know this is a heavy post! Can't help it. We can't afford to lose anything anymore; We have already wasted enough blood. The research of Lapierre and Collins confirms this!

Tradition - there is something in it!

I went to a new church today. No, not a new church. It is 175 years old. New for me; Did i tel you why i went there today? I was late for my usual church and so had to go to a place where the service starts late(Lazy morning!!!). Boy, that church was a sight! 175 years is a loooong time, i think. The broken floor, the huge pillars, the dome shaped architecture, and yes, the giant pipe organ was there as well. Some thing very enticing about it! seductive would be a better word.

The best part about the church was the service; The traditional Anglican service, where you sing every thing. I have to admit, I would prefer a simple service. Then, what is the fun of doing the ordinary things, in such a traditional place? I loved every bit of what went on. It was fun! It was sacred! It was probably holy!

Traditions, they have a place in my life. I love them; There is some thing in it. Some thing in the brahminical weddings you attend, where you don't understand anything, still, the serenity, the sacredness of it all; Some thing in those traditional cover drives, in those traditional festivals, in those mozart's classics, in those wooden houses;

True, the life i live does not have time for most of the traditions. But, funny, they hang on; they are just there. Those traditions. I love them; There is some thing in it! Some thing very enticing! very seductive!

Memories!!!

So, a good old friend, was reminiscing about her past. About how much she missed her college choir and the practice and the fun, blah, blah, blah. How people become philosophers when they think about the past! after all the pulling legs, which always happens when your friends reminisce, I went in to the world of my own. Oh, those days! those glorious days!

Very very true, you become a philosopher, or a kind of sage, when memories come in. Those happy memories! Sad memories too! It really really feels good when I think of the match i played in (some times i even remember the shots i played), the times when i went on a tour with my friends, when i organized the programme in the church, the hotels I went to with my friends, the trips with the families, the singing in the choir, times spent alone with mom dad and brother. Funny, it feels equally good when I think of the matches lost, the fights with close friends, the time when maths teacher scolded me or when i stood in front of the principal's room the whole day.

Hail those memories, the good ones and the bad ones; It makes life worth living, every minute!

Good old friends

Instant coffee, Fast food, ready made shirts! we live in a fast world, don't we? the other day i was wondering how fast the people in my generation have become. you blink twice and the world will be two days ahead of you. Some times it is thrilling, to be in the fast lane; some times feel like, what the heck?

Anyway, what i meant to write here was about the good old friends! yup, that is why that intro had to come. Online friends have become the fashion these days. Sit in the computer, chat for few days, on a known topic, you agree on a few points, a best friend emerges. See a good looking friend's friend's friend's photo on facebook and another best friend! I even got an sms, asking, need friends? guess, they sell friends too.

Thinking of these took me to those grand old school days, where some friendships were formed. Sitting on a broken bench or lying under a tree shade, talking of things not worth a dime, arguing as if life depends on it, fighting, yelling, some times just sitting there.  Many of us have seen our friends go through a lot, so much so that we can even sense what is happening with the other. These days, many of us are not in touch, but when we need a good, hard talk, they will always be there. I suppose they are friends, more than anybody else. good old friends!

Why blog?

Now, you got to be kidding! why do you want to write a blog? I berated myself for the 177th time. Possible, I wanted to show myself off to this world! It could also be that i wanted to change the world, with my writing (wink! wink!). Be the change, you want to see has almost become a cliche (Type 'be', and google gives the remaining). Could it be my hobby? I really don't know...

I read somewhere that blogging helps you cleanse yourself ! Joking? Why should you sit in a computer to be cleansed? Okie! did i think, i can get some really good, caring, loving, friend for life. I mean , the online friend (Whatever they call it). Probably i just wanted people to read what i write and give comments on that. I, I really don't know....

Though all these questions runs through my mind, I just want to ramble along here. I just wanna do it!!!  Online friends, hobby, changing, cleansing, all of them are my defense, but,

It is in the true sense, My life, My views. Period.

It goes on.....

The earth shook, puked, wrestled, it shuddered! Blew everything off! every damn thing. People? Well, people, some lost! some didn't last!some thrown! some threw! Chaos, confusion, emotion, commotion, heartbreaks and well, finally it stopped. No, actually, it didn't stop; It just went on and on and on!

hope you are not lost?

The other day i was wondering about man's ability to move on in life. The worst tragedies, hardest of heartbreaks, the greatest of disasters just pass by! I went to Gujarat as a part of the rescue team during the horrible earthquake. Man, what a disaster, it was? Then i saw another in my very own state. A tsunami, they called it. oh! destruction of an unimaginable scale! yet, man moved on. Life simply moved on, and so has people!Against their wishes sometimes.

The earth in all its magnificence and grandeur, whenever it misbehaves, has not stopped one bit. " The day the earth stood still", might never happen! or when it happens, we might not be there to witness that. But, till then, it goes on, round and round , teaching man, that "It goes on".

Man, probably, has learnt his lessons well!!!

Apple's never die

Do you know the three apple's which has changed the way we live? Well, of course, the apple which Eve ate that day changed how humans live, forever. The second one was, rather an accidental one. The apple, which fell on Isaac Newton's head! Have you heard that story? Who would not have? The second one changed some lives as well, at least those who have read about a word called "gravitation".  The third had to be, Steve Jobs, Apple!

When i was a small boy, I knew only the first two. The first one, from my Sunday school days and Isaac Newton's one from my physics teacher. I never knew a third apple existed, until one day my friend showed me a sleek, white, product which he called the Ipod. We both listened to some songs from that and of course, i loved it! who will not? My pockets, rather my dad's pockets being small, could not afford me one, but Ipod always had a place in my heart. So much so, that when i bought an Mp3 player, i called that my Ipod.

Then came the I-phone; The non-techie i am, could not unravel all the mysteries in that phone (I still am a Nokia guy), yet, the day i touched my friends phone gave me goose bumps. Then i heard from another friend of mine, about the i- tunes. What an idea ji, i thought!

Finally, after coming to work, i got a chance to work with one of the "i" products. I-Mac, with a snow leapord OS and 8 GB of ram and an i7 processor. What an experience, it was! Hurray! even i have worked with an "i" product, rather, an "Apple" product.

Hats off, Steve Jobs. I am not a techie, I am rarely attracted by machines. " I am a people person", i always boast. you made me, even me, feel the "techie delight".

Hope your Apple remain in the "Apples that changed the world" category. At least in my mind, it will. Rest in Peace.

Life in the metro's!

Here I am, in the capital of the Indian subcontinent. A dream place, for many youngsters (I am still young, you know) like me. Delhi, is the place to be, with all the economic growth and development (Or whatever!!!). Especially after the CWG, Delhi has become modern, na, ultra modern, they say! The roads are neat and clean, there is green every where and definitely the metro travel has made, life here sophisticated.

The shopping malls, the KFCs and the coffee days are still there. They were there in Chennai as well, and in Bangalore, and in Kolkata and in Hyderabad! and they say these days, even in the Tier II cities they are there. Well, cities, are the modern world. modern India! India, lives in its cities. Mahatma Gandhi, probably was wrong, when he said, India lives in its villages.

I love these cities, with all its plush and pompousness. Life is made so easy; The travel, the communications, availability of everything, next door, makes city living easy. Easy, simple, pomp, plush are the adjectives i can recollect, when i want to write about the metro's, rather, the cities. But, happy? such an adjective never turns up. I am afraid that city life has become such a monotony, that the happiness of playing hide and seek, the thrill of swimming in the lake, the fun of playing cricket with your friends, or even the serenity of the family time are being lost out.

I went for a jog along a garden here, and was startled by a scene, which clearly depicted the life we live in the cities. A man, was laughing out aloud, and sadly alone! It is called laughter therapy, it seems. Sad, he had to laugh alone and to think that we were doing this all the time in my place!

Sad, the modern man in the cities, had to be taught to laugh and made to laugh alone! and sadder still, he had to do it, because it is a therapy!

Life is so simple, isn't?

Hmmm..... I am in a writing mood today. I just want to write, write and write all day. Some days, you would sit down to write some thing, mind draws a blank. Other days, it just flows out. Funny! Today, i can ramble on this blog, till, of course, my laptop shuts down. So, i have to speak about some thing here.

Meanwhile, i realized, life is so simple! Every where i look around to see, the world is full of simple things. The leaves, the trees, the wind, the sun and the moon, the stars in the night, one with a pretty pink tinge to it, one a bit bright, one with more twinklings, the cats and the dogs, all of them has some thing remarkably simple about them; don't they? They, are the same, don't change often, follow the same routine, Yet! they have an uncanny beauty to them. Simplicity beckons beauty, it seems!

When i analyze my life(Ahem!), my early childhood, days when innocence was natural, drinking meant rasna, Dad was the only hero, Love was "mom's hug", the highest place on earth was dad's shoulder, the only things broken were the toys, failures did not have any implications, and goodbye's are meant till tomorrow, everything was simple as well!

Where did it all became the complicated life, we have made it out to be? may be, life is still simple! We just assume it to be complex.

Now that i have rambled along, and you have read it, I think i can close it off with this. Life is so simple you know, when you just have to say, thank you lord, for making me, me! Hope i have not made it look complicated!

Why, i had to love my country

When you have been living in a place for more than quarter of a century, you either have to love it, or hate it. There cannot be a grey line in between. well, of course, unless you live in India! With such diversity, you almost lose count of the variety which India could give you. It has almost become a cliche to say " India is diverse", I think, even i have mentioned once before here.

But, with so much of India bashing going around, you some how get the feeling of, shaking the dust of your feet and say, Ah, India ain't good! I was almost made to say that, till i realized, actually, this has been the country, which i had loved so much. Loved so much, for the colors, for the people, for all the chaos, the noise, for the hills, for the rivers, for the seas and the mountains and everything so remarkable about this country.

Only India, yes! the word ONLY had to be in caps here, can have so much noise, yet bring in such serenity to be called the land of sages; can have so much confusion and also bring in a sage like monotony; Can have so much beauty wasted and yet bring in that 'wow', too many times; Well, i can go, on and on and on. With a very heavy heart, I accept! yes, there are certain issues in my country that needs immediate attention. There is too much poverty, to feel happy about; corruption has almost become a part of life, and of course, the filth, the dirt and the crowds are sometimes suffocating.

In all these, there is something, an un explainable something in my country. Maybe it is the diversity, may be it is the cultural, religious manifestations of over a thousand years, or maybe i just want India to be like that. Yes, maybe, i am so determined to love it despite all its short comings.

But, I just had to love my country; because i live in India! 

My mom

Sam di chellam, is the first word heard when i call my mom. Love drips along her words. As is with mom's, my mom has given her everything to us. Every bit of thing. It seems she went to some church to ask God for me and got me, or some story like that. That is why she has named me "Sam".

Ma, is the typical south Indian village woman. No! she came from a village called Madras. Since, she married this crazy man (my father, of course), she has grown by leaps and bounds. She has learnt to talk in a phone, learnt to travel alone, operate television on her own, learning to cross the road, and of course she has learnt to live with him. All these are difficult things by her standards!

 Me and mom are poles apart, or probably planets apart. yes, they say, i resemble her, i stole her smile and all that; yet, i think, i am more of my dad than my mom. At least i think so; But, for her loving is so much that difference don't matter. She does not travel much, but has never said no to me, even, when the travel had risks with it. She is strictly vegetarian, but just because i love eating non vegetarian, she cooks them without even a tinge of emotion in killing them. And, did i tel you? she is an excellent cook!

I tried many words to explain ma. Wrote a sentence, overturned it, rewrote it and finally deleted it. Words are too complex to speak about her I think. She is too simple for all these words. Love, is all she is, and has been.Period.

Love you ma! for giving your everything, for listening to all my non sense, for allowing me do them, for...........But above all for those " Sam di chellams" I long for whenever I call you.

Chasing the wind

What do people get for all their hard work in lives. What do they chase? should it be "WE"? The sun rises and the sun sets, hurriedly it goes back to rise again. The wind blows north, then south, then north again. Round and round it goes. Saturdays and Sundays come, and they come all over again. Nothing is new in itself. Every new thing is old thing happening to new people, said a scholar. Was not he spot on?

Back to the chase. I was wondering what on earth are we chasing? Money? power? a journey on a airbus? or probably to another country? Are they all that is! Now, I have given up trying to find out the meaning of life in vestiges of words long back. Still, the turmoil i feel? I still am going to fight every bit of what it throws at me. But, the chase has never left me.

Of course, there was another life I lived. Where probably I was more me. I laughed, read every book there, wrote, wrote and wrote, went around to catch the lighted insects (or whatever), listened to loud silence, played horrible guitar, climbed dark hillocks, sang loud, watched rain drops forming patterns, chat with kids all day long!I gave it all up, probably to be that, what people define  as "success".

But, probably life is all about change. Some good, some great, some i'd not wish upon anyone, but change nonetheless. The memories are great. Some times, that is what make life more beautiful. What do we chase? the question still haunts. I don't have an answer. Possibly, there is no one answer! I don't want there to be an answer either.

Dearest pa

Appa, that word gives a buzz in our ears no! well, in mine it does.  Over the years, me and my appa has shared an exciting relationship. From the day i ever touched him, to this day he has been my best friend. Of course, there have been many other best friends, but, not to many i would phone up daily and talk for hours. No, not any! So naturally, daddy has been special.

Perhaps, we both are too alike. Both of us had been extremely cool, calm and collected (should i use the word lazy) and had been extremely crazy at times. What am i saying! we still are. He was the one who said "Go along" , when i made that cranky decision to quit cognizant and went on a pilgrimage to Assam. Probably, he knew, even otherwise i would have gone. yet, that said, whatever happens, he will be there with me. And, stood with me, he did! as a rock, when i made the worldly brilliant decision to prepare for civil service.

When i look back, through my tumultuous school life and a sage like sane college life, his support has been amazing. His support has been absolute, no questions asked! if that is what i thought it is, that is what i would do! Yes, the underlying principle has always been, my responsibility. Yet, decisions which back fired, always had had him standing there, holding me.

Love you dad, i would say! for loving me (Now, that is a cliche), for being my best friend, for the support, guidance, for whatever! but, love you more, for helping me learn lessons, my way!

Dreamz

Dreamz!!!

I am going through a period in life, where there seems to be so much time and so little work done, and so much work to do with no time to do them. Sounds confusing? Well, we all go through them, don’t we? I call those periods dreaming; nay, day dreaming.  What is life without them!

I have had some crazy dreams. I want to be the rich man, going around in a rolls royce helping the poor; I have wanted to be the prime minister. Of course, I have wanted to be the batsman Sachin would love to watch. I wanted to play basketball in the middle of a sea, go around the world without any money, be a journalist who never writes, go on a vacation to moon, born in a family of ten brothers, marry the richest, most beautiful and the brainiest woman in the world ( Wackiest I think)  and the crazy list goes on.

May be I am a bit adventurous, may be not! Yes, I do have dreams to work in a big corporate, earn big money, be the child parents wanted, win the school cricket match and go out for long trips with friends. Some of those dreams had even come true. I have had that “dream come true” feeling. It is good. Actually, great! But, life without those crazy dreams?

I start dreaming again………of course, day dreaming!!!

Makunda Christian Leprosy and General Hospital – Light amidst darkness

                          

                                It was a pretty long drive. Our famed Indian roads made us take five hours for the hundred kilometres, I travelled from Silchar city to the tiny village, Makunda in the southern most part of Assam. It was pitch dark when I set foot on the land; “Current nahin hain”, said the driver, only that he did not tell me that current had not been there for many days. Though, I was tired to the marrow of my bones, sleeping amidst the croaking sounds of huge lizards and howling foxes was always difficult.  Welcome, to Makunda Christian Leprosy and General Hospital (MCLGH)! A hospital where foxes can be seen daily, but electricity had always been a guest;

                                After such an introduction you are bound to have doubts about the place, don’t you? But all those doubts are put to rest when you go around the serene, green 300 acre campus. You can see people thronging to meet the doctor. “We have been waiting for almost two hours and travelled two hours to meet the doctors here”, said an old man. “Four hours” just to meet the doctor (Leave alone the time taken for investigations, and other works) is almost a joke in my place. Why should he wait for two long hours? Can’t he go to any other place? Aren’t there any other doctors in the nearest vicinity? Questions, which can give a lot of perspectives.

                                The campus lies bordering the three north eastern states of Assam, Mizoram and Tripura. The place is so underdeveloped that you almost feel like living in the 80s. Credit cards are still an unheard of commodity, computers and the internet are for the educated upper class, the previous day’s newspapers are read the next day, IT means “it”, engineers are still revered and the threat of terrorists rise once a while. These states had to be among the poorest places in the country, my mind said. It is in such a dark backdrop lie this light. After all, lights burn brighter when the darkness is more profound, don’t they?

                                Just to think that it was an old, dilapidated building, closed for twenty years when Dr. Vijay Anand and his wife Dr. Ann Miriam took over in the early 1990s is mind boggling. The place is bubbling with energy. 300 Outpatients are seen every day, more than 300 deliveries conducted a month, almost 6000 ultrasounds are being done and more importantly almost 20 leprosy patients are given livelihood. When you begin to wonder at the numbers, somebody says hold on; you have not seen everything yet. When you finally see the primary school for the children around the place, which now is in its tenth year and a nursing college sending out 20 smart nurses every year who run to the every sound of pain, you are made to ask “ Is this it or anything else still remain”. It is no longer surprising to hear that more than half of the school children and all the nursing school students stay in the hostels and eat food produced in their own campus.

                                It is one big village out there inside the campus. They all work towards a single goal; the goal of improving the lives of the people around them. When I look back now, I am reminded of the saying that the light on top of the hill cannot be hidden. Makunda Christian Leprosy and General Hospital was started as a small light in one of the darkest places of the world. No doubt, it was a small light. But a light which had burned brighter as the days progressed and more importantly a light which is showing the world its way!

                                

Contentment – His forte

              

                                                           

                        As a young medical student in his early twenties, he vowed that one day he will be running a mission hospital in an interior part of the country, helping the poor and the needy there. It was in the early 80s when he was asked the question, “what was he planning to do in his life”. Almost 30 years has passed and here he is, in an interior part of the country working hard, day in and day out for the poor and the down trodden, as he promised that day to his friends.

                        Dr. Vijay Anand is brilliant by nature and extremely hard working (That is a rare combination, I presume!). He talks about the latest release of Linux, just as easily he talks about the latest technique of surgery. He got his first job, (definitely as a doctor) by making a blood storage cold refrigerator for a hospital. His face brightens when he talks about the latest photography techniques and the birds he took photos of. Sometimes you really have to tell yourself, hold on, you are really talking to a doctor and not to an electronic wizard or an Ornithology geek. His hobby strangely is photography and not surgery (Though he does around 1000 surgeries a year). Just for a second, my mind asks, Is he in the wrong place? Would it not be better had he chosen engineering or photography as his profession?

                        But all those doubts are put to rest, when you go around, the serene, green 300 acre campus. You can see people thronging to meet the doctor. “We have been waiting for almost two hours to meet the doctors here”, says an old man. Just to think that it was just an old dilapidated building, which had been closed for 20 years when he first took over, is mind boggling. “My first nurse was blind, second one deaf and the third a disabled, He says with a wry smile. Now there are around 40 nurses running around to every sound of pain. Just when you think that you have seen the entire campus, you are reminded of a high school and the nursing school being run in the campus.

                        The campus is buzzing with activities. A piggery, agricultural fields, a high school, a nursing school and add to that the hostels for both the high school and the nursing school and all those nurses and doctors and the families staying inside the campus, it is a small village out there. You meet the people living in the campus and everybody has words of appreciation for him. Everybody talks of how they are touched by the love and affection which has been showered on them by his family. From the principal of the school to the drivers talk about the influence they (Dr. Vijay and his family) have on their lives. Even the village head and the district head cannot stop talking about the works being done by the hospital and the school in the community there.

                        We are very contended and happy here, he says with a smile. Probably more contended than most of my classmates who have settled down in the big cities of London and New York. Yes! He could have earned much more than what he is earning now.Probably, yes!He could have lived a much more comfortable life and for sure a much easier life (Electricity goes off here for days together). But he chose what his heart told him that day, and probably yes! Contentment is much better than living lives in a comfortable stable.

                        Nearly 300 outpatients are seen every day, more than 300 deliveries conducted a month, more than 6000 ultrasounds done, in a remote place in the north eastern part of a country where debit cards are still unheard off,  computers and internet are for the educated upper class and the previous day's newspapers are read the next day. I wondered what could have made this happen?  Even dreams in films don't account for such success in lives. It is all God's will, He said and went for his work. 

Another day of toil beckons!But toil that gives him contentment.

                       

                        

Are we becoming a “ self certifying” community

                I think Shoaib Akhthar is wrong. When he says “Sachin and Dravid are not match winners”, He is categorically wrong. Sachin has played more one day internationals than anybody in the history of the game and statistically he has won more man of the matches in one day cricket. Rahul Dravid has been the wall of Indian cricket for so long and has saved many more matches than probably shoaib has ever played. So, Shoaib is statistically wrong as well.

                But, is not greatness and match winners’ relative statements? And can relative statements be quantified absolutely? It is always easy to defend anything philosophically, is it not? But, the fact of the matter is, even if Shoaib’s statement is proven wrong, why are we getting angry? Shoiab Akthar has the freedom to think, to say whatever he feels in his mind, Or to put it in a politically correct term, Shoaib Akthar has the “right” to speak what goes through his mind.

                Even if Shoaib says Sachin does not know to play cricket, I don’t mind! Why should I? One, he has every right to say what he wants to say and two, that his saying in no way demeans Sachin as a cricketer. Sachin, was, is and will always be a great cricketer, no matter what X or Y or Z thinks about it.

                We as a community have misplaced the words freedom and right and are searching for it in the wrong place. If I don’t have the right to say who according to me, is a great cricketer; what “right” are we talking about, when we talk about human rights and freedom of speech? Are there any more rights left, if I don’t have the freedom to tell that Ajit Agarkar is India’s best fast bowler and the bottom line is I have not hurt anybody. I really don’t think Sachin and Dravid will be hurt by Shoaib’s statements.

                Ah, we have become a “self certifying” community. As a country we think, whatever we do is always right and sadly we also think whatever the other person says is always wrong.  Let us be always right, and let others be always wrong. But, there is a way to treat the people who were wrong and banning the book release function is definitely not the way to do it.  Only if we respect others, we will be respected!

India Shining – or does it?

                Welcome to Gurgaon, the billboard screams at you. It need not scream to know that you are entering one of the biggest industrial towns of the country. The 32 lane toll gate with nearly 500 cars standing on either side of the road is the sign of the emerging India. Multi-storeyed buildings adorned the road. Shopping malls at every street corner beckons. The KFC’s, the Audi’s, the Apple’s, Raymond’s, the Denim’s, you name it, we have it. Welcome to the brave new world! Welcome to the new India!

                A planned city being built is unheard of in my country. At least, I have never heard of any planning going in to our cities. But, Gurgaon definitely is planned. Straight lanes, with neatly arranged buildings, makes you wonder, finally some planning has been put in to it. My sceptic mind said, probably, just probably we are moving in the right direction. Probably, India shining is not a political gimmick. With all these India shining dreams running along, I stopped my vehicle in the next signal, when a small girl with a child in her shoulders came begging for a throw away coin.

                Ah! There you go again. I could almost hear my mind saying, this is a small thing. Look at the broader picture. Even that girl, probably is earning more because of this economical growth. The middle class has become richer, the upper class has quadrupled. We earn more, we spend more and that is essentially the crux of development, isn’t? Come on, we still have small children as beggars, my mind wrestled with the paradox.

                The small girl begging is just the outward sign. There were hundreds of thousands of daily labourers building those posh monuments, living in shanty houses with no toilets, no kitchens and for some not even proper places to sleep. And believe me, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Where are the workers from? Where are their families? How much are they paid? What do they eat? What if the job gets done? Where do their children study? Or do they study? Question marks are many. Answers as always are rare.

                True! India is shining. But  “All the glitters is not gold” ! We can glitter on the outside, but for us to become gold, real gold, we have to seriously introspect. We can buy a Jaguar and eat in the Kfc, but if we are not able to provide at least food and shelter to the poor we cannot grow. We can invent rockets and travel in metros but if we cannot provide proper education to poor children, we cannot grow.

Economics do not show whether the small child on her sister’s lap had anything to eat that entire day, neither does it show whether our growth is real.

Why i don't want to be in his shoes?

He has seen it all! Victories and defeats; records and records; ups and down; accolades and brickbats. Whatever he says is analysed, Wherever he goes, he is revered, Whatever he has touched, had become gold and whenever he sneezes, millions miss a beat. Through, the last two decades of riding on the dream of a growing India, Sachin Tendulkar has lived a dream. A dream not only, he cherished as a young kid growing in the by lanes of the famed sivaji park, but also the dreams of millions of Indians. For the fast, economically rising, and courageous India, he represented the face. Simply put, he was the everything, million people wanted……Everything they dreamed.

                Yet, standing at third man that day, with just an over to go before the end of a world cup match, I would really prefer writing about him than wearing his shoes. That over decided the course of that match. India could have won that with some simple, thoughtful bowling. But, 4 balls later the match is gone out of the hands and India have lost. Lost again. He has done it all that day. Gave his everything.  Played an innings of such brilliance that Steyn and Morkel , the best in the world, looked pedestrians. Dived, stopped and ran all around the park, as if he is turning 22 next week. But the truth is, he had to walk back that day with heads bowed down, because the team lost.

                Sometimes truth can be a bitter pill and the bitter pill for Sachin that day is, He can give 110%, and still end up losing, he can score tons of runs and still might not etch his name on the coveted trophy, he might dive and stop a boundary but still there are open spaces in his team’s armoury. That is why, I don’t sometimes envy him. Had he chosen tennis, who knows, Federer – Nadal rivalry would never have happened, Had he been born in Australia, His name would have been in the world cup three consecutive times, and sadly he chose Cricket, and without a choice was born in India and that is precisely the reason why I don’t envy him sometimes.

                Lazy, Chalta hain, people like me, might still revere him, love to watch him or even worship him but to be in his shoes??? I dare not, until, probably he lifts that world cup trophy, which he so much wants and to nobody’s disagreement very much deserves……and for that to happen,  fifteen other guys, mortals, not blessed with as much talent as he has, sometimes not wanting to win as much as he wants, will have to pull up their socks.

                Pull up their socks, not only for their country, but also for a man, whom winning that cup is more important than probably any other achievement he has done in his whole life……..Probably, that might make me change my mind a bit…….