Chruch, morality and grace

I'm born a Christian. Brought up in a fairly spiritual family. Through all my doubts and fears and questions have held on to the faith and look forward to many more years of christendom. I think, this is good enough reason to write to the wider Christian community. So here I am, bear with me!

Growing up, the image of the christian community that was impinged on me was of righteousness. Movies were taboo! Missing church on a Sunday is criminal. No TV at home. Jesus was the strict task master who punished every sin and every small innocent childish mischief. Though the ultra liberal dad did help in balancing, the church and the Sunday school always stressed on righteous living. Though the Youth groups I went to were a little liberal, the liberal nature of that youth group was thought of as a sin in the conservative circle.

And then through the tumultuous twenties and when Church started making sense, most of what was shared from the pulpit was again on righteousness! Holy spirit and worship were terms often thrown around. People who found it difficult to relate to difficult technical terms like those were looked down upon. So this church thought the other form of worship was unholy and the other church thought they were the sole proprietor of holy spirit. I had often looked down upon the young boy who stood outside the church and the man who came late. Very often I had felt 'Holier than thou'! and had taken pride in bashing the unholy.

I clearly remember one day we discussed on how a boy had fallen in love and he should not attend youth meetings! Recently I heard from a church that the members have banned another member because of some financial irregularities in his work place. I had even laughed at people who don't dress modestly during communion service. When people struggled with their faith, we thought they did not read the bible regularly. Questions on biblical integrity was often rebuked. You don't pray well enough, that is why you are asking such questions was often the answer! Somehow, deep within my heart there is this "I'm holier than the other" feeling that had crept in.

Well, I guess I have done enough of Church bashing. Now to some context to bring more sense.

When the maestro Ilayaraja said there were YouTube videos on how Jesus never rose again and he does not believe that Jesus is the Son of God, the Christian community is up in arms. There were posts on people asking him to apologize. One even read, "மன்னிப்பு கேழ், மன்னித்து விடுகிறோம் "! (Ask forgiveness, we will forgive). Oh, the high pedestal again. That we are better than you to forgive you

Deep within, there is this nagging feeling that God, the Yahweh God, is sad at me. 'Grace', is the word which HE wanted me to show the world. To put that arm around the hopeless, the faithless and the bitter. To accept people as they are, as sinners, as doubters, and as unholy.

I have to accept that I sincerely believe the moral fabric of the world can be built in the church! All my moral leanings are because they taught me righteous living. Yet with due regards to my church and my brought up, I believe the church has bigger things to offer than plain morality.

We are here to offer the world 'Grace'.

If, somebody does not believe in my doctrine I defend to death his right to believe and I will show only love to him.  If somebody has crossed my border of spiritual obscenity, I put my arm around him and say 'It is okay'. If somebody thinks his form of worship is better than mine, I don't mind. If somebody sins, Grace and nothing but Grace I show him.

I understand the need to insist on moral standings. If we are not taught the lines clearly, they blur after sometime. Yet, I draw my line and let you draw yours. And we both hug each other even if our lines are at crossroads.

And I say it again. We are here to offer the world 'Grace'

The inner man

Of course you lose some if you will listen to the conscience! Yes you may lose a lot of money, so what?  I can't cheat! Period, said she. It took me quite some time to comprehend that statement.

My sister, the person who has the strongest conscience I know off called me. Her conscience had pricked her so much that her voice choked. No, she had not murdered anybody. She as a doctor went to a hospital as a consultant, where an extra procedure which might have cost the patient extra was done.

She went straight to the church, put all the money that was paid to her in to the box there, told the hospital that she was not coming anymore and cried all the way back home.

This on the same day when three Indian political parties were bickering over a single Rajya Sabha seat. The discussions were on buying MPs! And on the same day, the Australian cricket captain and the so called leadership team decided to manipulate the rules of the game to win!

Is the conscience disturbingly loud for few and does not even talk for others? In that case, is there a way to keep the conscience loud?

I knocked on my conscience! Are you that loud too, I asked him! When was the last time you listened to me? he mocked. You don't keep listening to me, my voice gets drowned in the cacophony out there. said the conscience. But....but....I do hear your voice often! I replied feebly. Well, you don't listen. You hear me! came the reply.

Are we listening to the inner voice people?The voice called conscience. If not, may be his/her voice is slowly drowning out and may be one day he/she will stop talking! And if we don't hear the 'Don't do it" voice clearly the downfall may be steep! As the Australian leadership team is finding out now.

Listen! Don't just hear! 

When lives speak!

I am honoured to be in your presence, said he!

The audience was august. The who's who of Christian Medical College was there. Some of them, among the best doctors the country has seen. Few of them do world class research, the brightest brains. There were Harvard and Cambridge scholars in the crowd as well. Some of them could have lived multi billion dollar lives of the developed west, yet they have stayed back, just to work in India and serve the masses.

I have never been to a University. I don't belong here, he started slowly. His english was not up to the haughty standards CMC prides itself in. I have been here before to this institution as a few of my relatives work here, he stuttered; And then his life took over.

Over the next hour, his life shone bright. CMC gave him a standing ovation. Thrice! Three times we all stood up and clapped for this man, for his life spoke. And it was loud!

He is the son of a safai karmachari (manual scavenger). His parents cleaned up human excreta with their hands in the dry laterines of the olden India (What am I saying, they still exist). But he refused to be drawn in to the same demeaning job, though nobody gave him another. For those who understand caste system in India, he belonged to the lowest of the lowest tribes. The untouchables. Yet he refused to be called himself that! Rather he took the fight to the opposition.

He had single handedly united the many people who are made to do these menial jobs and has fought the might of an indifferent and unconcerned Indian government for over thirty years. And in the process has helped pass a law banning manual scavenging and helped rehabilitate thousands of workers in to better jobs.

Oh yes, the casteist Indian mindset had often come in the way. The lords of the supreme court has never punished one man in the last thirty years for misusing another human being, he said. His voice crackled. No, we don't get justice in this country, but I don't stop. I sensed a tear drop peeping out of my eyes.

Then he challenged the CMC community; the intellectual and sometimes class-conscious elite. Do you live in rigid structures created by the society? Oh yes, you don't let casteism in its true form come in to you, but is there a hierarchy that you live with? A hierarchy of the glass doors? A hierarchy where one human being is treated higher than another? I felt an uneasiness. Then the slap! And another! May be we felt his life speaking through the pricked conscience.

CMC stood up again when he finished! And again when he got his citation. And again when he answered the few questions. No you don't need university driven education to get standing ovations. You don't need the British accent or impeccable vocabulary to get standing ovations.

For when your life is so loud, the world stands on its feet!