Can't we have better debates Mr. Prime minister?

So what if I'm a christian? or a Hindu? or a muslim? I mean, how does my religion matter to you Mr.Prime minister?

With the latest conversion - anticonversion debate, I lost all respect for your government. Not that I had any in the first place. But whatever small hope I had on you, I lost!

Sir, there are millions of people starving; Farmers suicides continue; The educational system has hit rock bottom; The health care in this country is abysmal and you know that. And yet, there is not one debate on all these. Not one of your ministers talks about all this. Not one person talks sense for that matter.

Sir, you were all over the place talking about development. That word "development" was shouted off from roof tops. Is that all the development you were talking about? You meant the development of religious disharmony? 

What is your problem if I'm belong to some 'X' religion? Even if I'm forcibly converted for that matter? Wherever I get more money or better education or more peace I go. Do you have a problem with that sir? 

The only problem I see with forcible conversions is threatened conversions! And I sincerely think there is not much threatened conversions going around. 

Sir, you got a mandate with which you could do wonders. Don't waste them in debating useless stuff. Ask your ministers to shut up and start working. 

Debate these useless things for five more years and the people will send you back to Gujarat. 

Of oldies and their stories!

Your grandma was of such a great help to me in the medical college said that old granny! Your uncle used to be lying down here all the time said another. Story after story after story; I loved listening to them all.

Did I miss my grandparents? Very much so! It would have been great listening to the granddad whom everybody talks about everywhere, on whom a book had been written. It would have been such fun to see him tackle his wife, the fiercely independent granny, whom the town I grew up almost worshiped. Though I had the privilege of being with my mom's parents for some time, it would have been far better to listen to their stories now, when I can understand and fathom their legacy much better.

So, what do I miss? The love and the warmth that only grand parents could give. Of course yes! But more so the stories. To listen to the folklore of yesteryear; the interesting stories about the people they met, the pre independence stories of courage and valour, the stories of poverty and struggle, on horse drawn carriages and trams and the other long forgotten things. And of course on friendships and relationships.

There is some thing about those days. Something very sensuous. Very touchy. Something which can bring those happy tears and sometimes make you wish you had lived then.

May be life during those days were more romantic. Ah! How I wish my oldies are here now and tell me how romantic were they then.

Walking in to an uncertain future!

A burning pyre at the backdrop. Two pre teen children walking back. A dark sky. A bright moon. A small tear in their eyes. 

That was the picture which came to my mind when I heard their story. The mother, not a very old lady suddenly became very sick. The two young children had been by her bedside the last few months. And suddenly when she died, they were left all alone.

The two young children had had their private body parts badly damaged in their school by other children. Their mother had married twice, and was living with the third one when she contracted the disease. The villagers refused an entry to her dead body, calling her bad names. There were not many relatives who will share their burden.

All that these two young kids have seen in their young lives have been violence. The society had not been good on them. Not many have reached out to them. Their schooling had been a bad dream. The villagers have been cruel. Their future is dark. The present darker!

Now, is it fair to blame them if ten years down the line they end up doing some thing anti social? A theft? Or worse, a rape or a murder? Should not the society also take up some blame if something untoward happens?

Don't mistake me; I'm in no way defending an anti social action. Every wrong action should be accounted for. Should be punished. But the fact of the matter is, the society and that includes you and me, have not been fair on many young people over the years; and that is coming back to bite us.

May be the criminal justice system should also look at the background of the criminal as much as they see the backdrop of the crime. 

I'm just thinking out aloud!

Did I take her for granted?

Ma, where is my socks? Ma, I'm hungry! Ma, why did you not iron my shirt? Ma, why can't you make some chicken today!

My theatrics on her had no end. Yet, she was always there. Every single time. And with a smile which had no reason but love. The food was there on the table morning, afternoon and night. The clothes wherever we threw, went back to their places as if they had legs. The house looked clean. Crystal clean.

We called her every time the ball hits a patient to rescue us when we played cricket in the hospital premises. Every time I felt bored or had to make a long walk, always called her to wile away time. Every time a friend came home, there was food. And friends of mine came in plenty. And she never said no!

Whenever I came home the favorite cauliflower was made; The parottas were bought. Every time I had to wake up early morning she was always the alarm clock and she never ever refused. And every time I slept till 8 clock in the morning, she always said leave him, he is tired!

May be that is why I took her for granted. Was never thankful for what she was. Was never grateful for all that she did to me.

Now, when I have to make my own dosas, make my own shelf, and go back searching for the clothes, I realize how much I had taken her for granted.

And thankful and grateful I feel today for that precious life, which just lived for us!

What did that man do?

They were all coming back to meet their alma mater. The Christian Fellowship Hospital (CFH) Oddanchathram. Everybody had gratitude in their eyes, every single one of them. That word 'CFH' was repeated thousand times. Almost all of them felt like coming home. Many said it is their 'Mothers place'. Some said they learnt their values there. Some said that place turned their career upside down. Some said their life began there.

Through out the three days of the alumni get together, my mind repeated the same question.What did that man do?

Dr.A.K Tharien came to oddanchathiram in the early 1950's to start a small hospital. That place was then very remote and had little medical help. He wanted to serve the people there. He could have chosen to be some where else. May be the US. May be Cambridge. He did not. He chose the needy and the neglected. He chose oddanchathiram. And the rest is history. HIS story!

From a small haunted house when it was started to the sprawling huge campus, from two doctors to 150 of them now. From a single nurse to a nursing college. From few patients to thousands thronging the place every day.

Not a single paisa of bribe has been paid. Not a single patient sent away for want of money. The focus on the poor has not been deviated from. The founder himself has not taken anything from it except his salaries. The cost for the health care is still affordable to the Indian poor. And the ethics of medicine have been strictly adhered to.

You can see doctors on cycles coming to work! The old man himself drove one till his death. The nurses and the doctors together joke around. The senior most teaches cooking 'sambar' to the Juniors. The ward boy also is found giving speeches. It was one family. One huge loving family!

Again the question comes haunting by! What did he do? How did he do? And more importantly, why did he do?

The answer for the 'why' question was there on everybody's lips. 'For the love of christ!' 'For the love of christ!' Yes, they have stood for the truth and the poor. 'For the love of christ!'

And the rest of the answers, well, go and find out!

The time to be thankful!

When my cousin 'L' whatsapped me that news I was in a meeting. My hands shivered. Had goosebumps. I could hardly control my tears. Waited for the meeting to get over to immediately call her.

'R', my cousin 'L's cousin knew me for only a year. And we came to know each other in life's most difficult of circumstances. Amma was deteriorating after her diagnosis of cancer, when one fine day 'L' called me to say 'R' has been diagnozed with the same disease.I had met her only two days ago and she was hale and healthy. And suddenly this news.

I was there with her two days later in the hospital when the initial diagnostics were done. I knew it was going to be a huge battle ahead. I remember vividly hugging her and saying "We will overcome this ka"!

And overcome, she did! Magnificently. I had often met her in the ward. There was pain. Tiredness. Days when her entire future was questioned. Depression was written all over her face on many days. Yet through it all, she was confident and courageous. Never quit! Never questioned!And the family was majestic. Many times I ve been to her room just to cheer them up, only to find cheerful people already.

I had badly wanted this news. Prayed sincerely for this. And so I'm thankful for the news. Thankful for the disease which strengthened her and the family, Thankful for her strength and the courage which had encouraged me, and on top of it all thankful for the deliverance she received yesterday

The day that changed my life forever!

So it is been a year since that day happened.

I had just failed the civil service exam. Had just got two decent jobs and was still deciding on taking one of them. Almost was deciding on joining a PG, may be an MBA. The previous week had two of the best days of my life with a best friend in Pune.The previous night I went out with a close friend for a dinner. So life was full! Full and happening. Then that day happened.

It was in the evening when my brother called. His voice choked when he said that mom was diagnosed with cancer with secondaries all over. I called my mom immediately. She could not continue either. The world broke down before me.

We knew she was having a back ache for a month. But then cancer? Never in our wildest imaginations have that thought stuck us. That morning mom joked that they are going to have a honeymoon dinner without the fan fare which usually surrounds her when she goes to a hotel in our town. They both went to a neighboring city to get her back checked, only to be diagnosed with that disease.

And so I ran to my roomie to help me book tickets back home. The ticket was booked immediately. Within a few minutes a taxi was arranged and I was on my way home. Almost missed the flight in the traffic jam. I was calling everybody around frantically. Did not know what else to do. Then as the flight took off, it all sunk in slowly. Tears rolled over. I was crying after a long time. Thoughts were all over the place. I knew life is taking us through a phase without any light. The future looked dark.

Life after that day was never the same again.Watching your mom undergo unbearable pain is not easy. After she lost her hair and her voice, she was hardly her own self. Everyday when you have to tell "Ma, open your mouth ma plz, eat something", it felt bad. And during the last few days when she could not recognize us, it was killing. And yes, when she passed away there was an emptiness which could never be explained.

Yet, there were so many good through it all. The family held us together. The friends were just there every single time of need. And it brought us all close together. It made us stronger. It made us bigger.

And yes, Jessie happened! And can life be ever the same after that?

A generation that just forgets?

I don't define generation by age! I define generation by time. And by that I mean, at this point of time we all live in the exact same generation as I am.

And so, we are a generation that forgets. We use the four letter word completely in and out of context for every single issue that comes up in our popular consiousness; So we abuse, we crib, we yell and get really riled up about issues and then about five minutes later we forget....and we move on!

The classic case in study is the horrible mumbai attacks! The whole India came up and said "Enough is enough - We want answers"; and by the time the politicians even thought about an answer we changed the questions. The rape case and the corruption issue followed! Then? The world cup win and Priety Zinta - Ness wadia case distracted us. And the answers never came.

Do we really want answers? I really am beginning to doubt it! I really think this generation (And by that I include me also) just does not 'want' the solutions. Read that word 'want' again. We are happy where we are; The emotional people we are, we just use these issues to vent out frustrations! Just like the classic wife, who never wanted the solutions.

When the CM was convicted; For once when the answer came, to the question that was shouted off from the roof tops and the streets corners......"We look the other side and wish the answer had not come!"

We, as a generation does not forget! We just don't care!

Let this be a precedent my dear country!

She had everything going for her. The most powerful person in the state of Tamil Nadu. In fact one of the more powerful chief ministers of the country. There was no opposition in sight. She almost had the pulse of the people by her hand. A lot of her schemes were liked by the people. Another sure shot victory was in the offing. And then yesterday happened!

What a tragedy yesterday was! What a tragedy! A life,which could have so easily been celebrated as a doyen of modern day Indian democracy, had to end up behind prison bars.

May be she was too naive a politician then, to have got caught red handed. May be it was only 60 crores and that is pittance when compared to the usual political scams; Yes, she is definitely one of the better cheif ministers of this country and was doing a pretty decent job in her last inning; But all these can't come to her defense. The court found her guilty of courrpution and she is punished. Simple as that.

A punishment which I think was very much deserved, though delayed

So, for once a chief minister, because of a criminal conviction in a court of law is jailed. And if, and only if, she is aquited by a higher court can she be a member of the legislative assembly (MLA) within the next ten years. Again a first for this country. And I really don't think supreme court will overturn such a magnum opus decision.

Let this set a precedent my dear country. A precedent for the big ticket politicans; that if you end up doing a small mistake in the 24*7 public gaze you will be punished. Let the corrupt minister look at her and think for a second that they cannot just run ruf shod over everything, and law may catch up some time. Let the youngsters who wanted to earn quick bucks the ugly way in politics realize, it is not always easy and if you get caught you will be behind bars, whoever you may be. Let this be the start of many more political convictions who are hiding behind power.

Let this be the start of something new. Something good.

Wiser, Older and getting married!

When your father in law is reading your blogs, you tend to be intelligent! Or atleast pretend so. I surely am the latter. No, I'm not pulling his legs. Believe me:)

So when I was 22, just out of college, full of energy and Ideas, I wanted to change the world. Change the face of this country. Wanted to lead a change that will reduce poverty, shut off corruption and etc etc....I really thought I can! Then, I became old. And may be, 'wise' too.

I'm no longer the brash, carefree youngster who did not mind telling his teacher that he is partial. No longer I'm the arrogant guy who thought information techcnology in India is a lot of rubbish and quit a high paying job. No, I don't think I'm anymore the guy who was not afraid one bit about going to an interior forest in Assam, not knowing what I will do there.

And I'm getting married. I heard, men can't even change TV channels these days; Leave alone changing the world. See, I'm learning my lessons pretty fast! And in three months time, I understand the last strand of my independence will also be taken away, and with that my so called youth and brashness.

I'm sad! Sad that I'm becoming older. Sad that I'm suppose to become wiser too!

Why can't I be the same passionate, sometimes foolish, bold, sometimes arrogant individual I was, and get married too? Are they incompatible sutffs?

I can hear you say, "Go ask your father in law"!

P.S - No, No, this blog does not say anything. Don't search for meaning here.

That word 'modern'!

Have been mulling over this word in my mind for some time now. It all started as usual when the 'bride searching' started; It should have. That is one predominant thing which had been happening in my life for quite some time.

So every time, some proposal would come, the question the extended family would discuss is "Is she very modern?" So they will look at the photographs and the biodata which had the parental background, and the girls educational qualifications and will debate on whether that girl is 'Modern', or worse still 'modern enough' for the family

So, wearing Jeans, speaking in fluent english, putting on sneakers and coolers came under the 'modern' category and wearing kurta's and chuddidhar's and talking in tamil became the traditional category

I was literally confused! Should she be modern? Or traditional? A friend suggested marrying modern girls looks good, while one suggested marrying them is not easy!

Am I getting sleazy? Should we be at all talking about all these on blogs? I don't know! For all I know, modernity has to be in the mind. Thinking beyond caste and dowry; beyond discriminating women; beyond untouchability and other stupid cultural and traditional evils and thinking about the betterment or welfare of the society is modern for me.

Right, I understand I'm getting preachy here. Cannot help it; When I see people think wearing clothes, shoes and glasses can make you modern, without having simple social awareness, the society has just lost it!

You see, I am considered modern because I have a french beard! And that explains our society:)

Ma, remembered you on your bday!

So ma, I remembered you today. In fact, every passing day I have some remembrances of you. You played such a huge part in our lives for us to move on in life so easily. In fact, so many things have happened in the last month, yet you are a constant presence in our thoughts. You really are!

I remembered those early morning calls I make every single day, and those beautiful "Sam di chellam" you answer those calls with! I remembered those late night calls I make, when after slogging for nearly 12-14 hours you always had the time and energy to talk about everything that happened through the day.

Ma, do you know chithi got transfered? I remembered you, when she got that news. I know how badly you wanted her to get that transfer. I just thought for a moment how happy you would have been, had you been around when she got that news.

Ma, I went to an empty lifeless home last week! No, it had a lot of people as usual. There was a lot of love and affection. But, the emptiness of that house was palpable. Everybody was excited that I'm home, yet nobody could just be as excited as you were during those times I came home. At least a week before I came home your excitement started. I remembered how you used to call me just to tell what all you planned to cook when I am home. Ma, I missed those good bye's filled with kisses whenever I start back from home.

Ma, I really don't know why I should write all this here! I wish, I could just call you and tell all these.

Anyways, happy birthday! Love you so much.

You are better people, docs!

So, I understand the doctors are unhappy. They have been wronged by the insensitive media (Read Gopinath - from the famous neeya naana show). I did not see the show myself, but from whatever I have read about the show so far written by the docs,the docs think, they have been wrongly portrayed by the media to increase its TRP ratings.

I agree, the media is a shame. And it has to be put in its place. They can't do everything for the stupid TRP ratings. The media may also have had hidden interests behind shows like these. They can go to any extent,these media guys. After all, they are show men, with the primary aim to entertain.

But hold on docs; hold on! So if you are gonna show the black flag and claim innocence do you think the public will regain its confidence in you?

My last few encounters with the docs are here, and tell me why I should believe the medical community! I have had a hospital keep a dead body of a patient, a friend of mine, for almost 12 hours without informing us and tried to get money; The same week when the controversial show "neeya naana" was played, some docs were caught on camera being bribed by the pharmaceutical company impersonations and a young medical graduate defended getting cuts from the pharmaceutical companies;  Last week my mom's insurance money from IMA(Indian Medical Association) came with a request for a cut; A few months ago, I heard one physician say how a doctor has placed a stent in the heart without a block (pardon, if my technical details are wrong, I'm a non medico). And all this happened within the last year.

Now, don't get me wrong! I'm not here to bash you docs. My parents (both of them),fiancee, brother, sister and lot of close friends are doctors. And I have huge regards for them. I worked under a man, who has sacrificed the comforts of a huge pay and city life to work among the neglected community in an interior village in Assam. I know how hard some of my friends work, and how much they sacrifice for the sake of the patients. I really understand, that life for you is very difficult with the demanding patients, and the more educated people. 

But, why the big hue and a cry now? For all its worth, it has made you lesser people. You were and still are better than fighting a moron, who is selling news for money. If you want to win back the trust, look inside. There is rot in your system, as it is everywhere. By taking a high moral ground and shouting hoax, you are losing your respect.

People need you, and for that they respect you. Live honest, clean lives and you will be treated as God's. I saw my mom was almost deified when she died, for just being simple and honest. 

And don't throw stones in the gutter, it will splash all over you!

The true fragrance of independence!

So amidst the euphoria of 'Happy Independence day' wishes, keeping the national flag as the profile picture, singing vande maataram, hoisting the national flag, seeing actors and actresses showing their patriotism and of course listening to the PM speak from the red fort, my voice will be meek. Yet I dare to write; since this is what I know to express my patriotism.

So, after the euphoria settles down, and life catches up, our patriotism often is reserved for another day! May be Jan 26th! May be August 15th again next year. So why do they come out only on special days? And where were they hiding till then? May be it was just there, deep inside, and the society has just shown only these as the ways to celebrate the our independence.

So what now? I can hear you getting irritated! Why can't we try some thing different? Something long lasting? Which really shows what independence really is; Can we just think aloud of some activity, some method to show our patriotism, which will have long lasting impacts? Here are a few which came to my mind....

May be we can support a girl child's education for a year; There are brilliant organisations which do superb work. This will be petty for the amount of money most of us make. May be we can promise ourselves to visit a school for the blind, a children's orphanage, a mentally retarded home or an oldage home! Just be there whenever we could on a sustained basis and see how much change the mere presence can make. May be we can promise ourselves, that we will follow traffic rules for a year; or will not pay bribe till next independence day; May be we can just go to our old school and see what we can do there; or May be we can just follow one more sport other than cricket and support the Indian's fighting it out there; May be we can promise ourselves not to get toddy from government run shops or not to buy products from corrupt organisations.

I understand, I'm getting preachy! I could not help it. Can we just try; try to make a solemn, sustained effort for one year and see how the very definition of our independence day changes.

Well, using national flags as profile pictures are patriotic. I have done that too. But just doing that once every year does not reflect the true fragrance of independence. True, we got independence from the britishers. Still there are hundreds of unwarranted things we are dependent on. Only after getting independence from them we will realize that there is a different fragrance to independence. True fragrance!

Mom's last major decision!

Mom's last major decision happened on her death bed. When she was in pain and on morphine. When the cancer cells were slowly writhing through her body.

It was about 'me' of course. It had to be! And that ended up as the biggest decision and obviously the best decision she has taken on my life.

When she said the 'yes' with her famous smile; I knew this was the girl, who will be my wife and best friend in the years to come!

Yes people, Jessie Daniel became my fiancee officially in a grand engagement ceremony in Karigiri, Vellore.

Mom was not there; Though the dates were fixed for her,with the hope that may be she will make it, she could not make it. But then, I could see her everywhere. All over the place. Running around. Greeting people. Making arrangements. And kissing me, and her new found daughter. She would have been an awesome mother in law, believe me. Then, life is such!

Jessie, became the Darling of the family yesterday. And will always be.

It sure was a major decision! It had to be her decision. And as usual it was a brilliant one.

Jessie, is a beautiful soul!

A life so beautifully lived!

They all thronged the church like never before. The rich, the poor, people from every community, and caste, to have one final look at her. One final look at the person whom they loved so much! Some shops were closed. Some were half mast. They were all paying homage, to the soul which made their lives better in this painful world.

I was among those given the privilege of seats, to be seated next to her when she went on her final voyage, even as people cried and shouted and threw flowers. In fact, I was given the privilege of calling her "amma" first. Though, she was "Amma" to everybody by the time she called it quits. And so I say, she is one incredible woman. And that final journey proved that.

The day after the final journey as the extended family and friends sat together reminiscing on her life, everybody had nice things to say about her. She was the darling of the family, the friend whom many wanted to be a part of, the extraordinary mother, the incredible nurse of the aged, the amazing cook, a dream aunt, an excellent co-sister, a brilliant wife, a superb doctor and so the words flowed.

I always knew her as an intensely private person, close to her family! But yesterday, showed me her family was big. Indeed huge! Everybody in that small town and the neighboring villages knew her. Everybody owned her. Everybody wanted her.

So, she was not old enough to die! She easily had another good 10-15 years; Yet, that was not to be. She had lived her last. And lived it well. In fact lived her best!

She did not earn billions of dollars, in fact did not want to. All she wanted was a simple, happy, beautiful life; and that she had; In plenty. She showered love, and in turn got showered by love. She showed grace, and the people reciprocated. She radiated happiness and God was gracious enough to keep her happy.

RIP ma! You showed love and grace still exist in the purest form; and reaped happiness.

Your's indeed was a beautiful life!

Some times it is better to just 'Shut up'!

I understand, Silence has a sound. And sometimes it is deafening. When the former prime minister kept mum on so many things, I hoped he came out and talked. I really wished he was more communicative. May be that cost him and his party the elections. His silence was indeed deafening and some times was irritating too.

And the present is the eternal loud mouth. He had a way with words, and everybody seemed to like it. Personally though I wished he talked less, I also appreciated his ability to attract the masses. They all loved him and his ability to talk.

When the present HRD minister kept mum on one of the biggest controversies to have affected Indian higher education system, I thought she was being foolish! I wanted her to open out. Then the unassuming law minister kept his mouth shut when the storm over the appointment of the supreme court Judge was raging. Again, my mind said "Talk please!" That is why we voted for you.

And then, the health minister decided to talk. On anything and everything, including sex education (Is it taboo to even write about it?) and yoga. Only after he started to talk I realize the value of being silent. Being mum! or as the famous American TV series 'To shut up and sit down'!

I mean, why on hell do one has to talk so much on things which he has no idea on? Like Alia Bhatt talking on FIFA? Or my gynecologist mom talking about steel manufacturing? Baba Ramdev talking about good governance? I mean, why can't we just keep quite and watch the world? Just watching the world is an art! Believe me.

Silence definitely had an irritation attached to it! But, some times, No! Most of the times, I am increasingly beginning to realize that silence is indeed golden. Much better than the noisy rubbish which comes from the loud mouths. I only hope the people who has the micro phones understand. The less said, the better. And nothing said, is the best.

Am I audible?

P.S : That is why I blog! It does not produce a sound.

The breaking news!

Priety Zinta has just landed in the international airport, said the "breaking news" in one of the well known news channel. I am serious! She did land in the airport. It is not an important news, it is a "Breaking news". It is supposed to break you; if you have not broken the TV by then.

"Annnddddd........ Priety is heading straight to home!" yells the TV anchor, with the camera zoning in on a car leaving the airport. So breaking it is, I decided by then to take a break! To have my sanity in tact, else I would have surely broken the TV and I'm already broke!

Alright, I understand! It is boring and confusing and totally useless reading me. That is exactly how I feel watching these news channels. Absolutely useless! I mean, what if Priety lands in the airport? I don't even care if she lands directly at her home and lands head first.

This is the quality of intellect thrown at us by the media, the so called fourth pillar of democracy! Not that the other three are strong enough but that is for another day.

I know most of the media is paid and run by the corporates; I understand they are meant to give NEWS the way their bosses want and not what happened in reality. Yes, TRP ratings are important for the survival of the channels. Yet, Preity landing in the airport can't be breaking news in this country.

There are more important stuffs happening. A new government has taken over. A new political party is trying things differently. There are 40 Indians abducted in another country. The world's largest sporting event is happening. IIT results have just come out and there are thousand other better things happening all over the place.

For sanity's sake let not the Preity's home comings become the "Breaking news"; Else, there will soon be a generation, which will only know the SRK's and the Zinta's.

And I doubt that time is not very far!

It is a complex world!

Well, I have an exam tomorrow and I don't really know what I'm doing here. Anyways that is how I'm wired. To do stupid things! at the stupidest of places

So because there was this exam I was reading when that call came; A very close friend 'M' called and said another friend 'J' cleared the civil services exams and has got a top ten rank in the country. Now, that is an insanely insane good news for me. For a friend to become an IAS, that too with a single digit rank is so good a news, I ve not heard such good news in a looooong time.

And then immediately I called one of my best friends, my ex-roomie 'N', whom I was very sure of getting a rank and the answer was in the negative. I called my dad next and he informed me that mom has to be taken to the hospital tomorrow, for obvious reasons.

Now,It is a complex world! It wants me to concentrate on my exam, celebrate the humongous success of a friend or share the grief of a sad failure of a close friend and be with my sick mom, all at the same time!

Is it not complex enough?

Growing older! one year at a time.

So it is been 28 years; and never in my memory had the birthday a start like this. The close friend I stayed with for the night, forgot my birthday and played old (pre illayaraja) songs through the night, the 12:00' clock calls and the messages from the girl friends of yesteryear's reduced to one solitary call from my old aunt, an exam which I didn't want to write in the morning, an one hour bike travel in the heart of chennai traffic at 42'c, and a lonely lunch of sambhar rice! And of course, the mind occupied by the painful process of mom having to go through chemo. Of course her's was the first call in the morning, and muchly like her, broke down.

The entire last year had not been anything special either; A big failure and of course the sickness of mom and all the family changes which happened with that.

But then, birthdays are supposed to be happy days, is n't it? So will I be!

The family was there as usual! Every single one called me today, just to remind that they will be there forever, as they had been through the tough last year. And the close friends who called me; Today was no different as most of them call me daily! And the many many friends who whatsApped. Thank you.

So looking forward to a long year ahead! May be the 'M' thing might happen this year. I remember telling my dad 4 years ago, that year will be the last bachelor birthday. God! It is been 4 years of absolute bliss. Good on me that the word to dad just remained a word. Who knows, may be I will come back to this place again the same:)

So I'm looking forward to the wedding of two other friends and the travel! The challenge of the considered toughest exam on earth again; and many tours planned this year. Many many hours of ARR, the solemn quiet times I enjoy, lots and lots of reading I so love, and the seriously serious business of writing blogs! All of them, within that tiny year of 365 more days? Phew!

 Bring it on, I'm ready and waiting!

There is something wrong Mr. Prime minister!

I know it is too early sir. I understand it will take time just for the feeling of being the prime minister with such a majority to sink in. And I'm truly not naive to believe that you have a magic wand to shoo away the problems we have. Yet, I say this with a fair amount of conviction. There is something wrong after your victory sir.Horribly wrong!

The good thing about alarms is that they always ring on time; though we may not like it. And the alarm bells have started ringing sir. And if you don't put your foot down and act, life in this country will not be what you and me dream of!

As you would have known by now,Pune faced communal violence. Some buses were torched and of course one young techie from a minority community was killed because he wore a "skull cap". You know that, right? I'm sure you know who did that as well. And in that very same Pune, some people were threatened because they did not spell out your name with a "Jai" to it!

In the IT hub of Bangalore some people were threatened because they posted FB posts which criticized you sir. And in the capital city of Delhi, some lower class people who were protesting were bundled out by the police.

I hope you know all these happened sir! Most of us who watch television don't, as news channels don't cover them anymore. Of course, I think they are biased sir! Biased towards you. 'Paid', will be a better word.

And I'm afraid very soon there will not be allowed any criticism in this country. That day sir,with the rate at which things are happening, is not very far.

I want you to come out of your silence and speak out. But, I would prefer acting strong sir. Against those who torched those buses, the gang who killed the youngster, against the policemen who evicted the protesters and of course against the paid media!

I know you want development and is working hard on that front. But you just can't wish away criticism sir, and those who don't follow your ideologies.

Believe me sir, you try to muzzle criticism and those who criticize and not follow your ideologies, It will turn on you very soon. And history is replete with examples of that.

Sir, if you don't get up when the alarm rings, you always end up going late to the class! Always!

What you want them to do, you do!

So when you have lovely cousins, you end up having nice luncheons. That is why I love my cousins. Only for Food!

It was one such day. I was in the library when my cousin 'L' called. "Sam, where are you" was the question, and immediately I knew she was around in Chennai. And half an hour later we were together looking for a place to eat. She had brought another cousin of her 'R' with her two children. So the five of us, three adults and 2 kids in their pre teens decided we will go to Liu Waldorf.

As soon as we took the left to enter the parking lot, we found out a Merc has blocked our way. So I got down and asked the hotel guy to help us with our parking. He came out, saw the merc and said, "please park the car outside sir". Now, bang outside the hotel's parking lot the police have put a big "NO PARKING" sign; and here he is, asking us to park there, right beneath the sign. I asked him again whether there won't be any problem. He said he will take care if the police comes.

Now, my wisdom said the peak of chennai's summer afternoon will keep the policemen inside their offices and they won't come visiting us. So I signalled the cousin who is driving, to park there; right under the sign. But she was reluctant. After some discussions, we decided that we will not park the car there, and parked the vehicle in the neighboring road where there was some decent parking available.

"Mam, you could have parked the vehicle here itself! We would have taken care", said the man in the hotel. "We teach our children to obey traffic rules and signs, and how will they obey if we don't?" bang, came the reply from the mom 'R'.

That sentence struck me hard. What a lesson to learn! A lesson for life. The children follow you, every moment of your life. And what you want them to do, you do!

Now you know the other reason why I love my cousins? They teach me life's lessons too!

An open letter to Mr. Prime minister

Congratulations Sir! What you have done is truly amazing. To get a mandate such as this, is some thing which not many people has done. I know the amount of hard work and discipline put in to this and hats off to that sir. Hope and pray this mandate gets the work it deserves.

Sir, but to be frank I am a bit skeptical. I am as passionate about this country and its people as you are; And so I hope you will take us (all these skeptics) along, in this path of the so called development.

Sir, let us be honest first. This ministry of yours is not made up of saints. There may be good people. But for the first time in Indian history, 34% of the MPs who won yesterday have criminal records and that is sad. So the first job you have in your hand is to keep track on them. Remember, the previous prime minister was considered clean, yet his ministry was also considered the most corrupt in the post independence India. There are rats in every ship sir and hope you are aware of them. If you don't kill them quickly they will eat up your mandate soon.

Sir, When you said "India has won" after yesterday's victory lot of people said they had goose bumps! I am sorry sir. I din't. It smelled gracelessness. India has not won yet sir. Your party won. All those who voted against you also wanted India to win. And for that to happen, you have to work with an integrity and passion which is unmatched. Your own state which you had ruled for a decade now has yet to give even food to all its people. And if that is the plight of the so called most developed state, imagine the other states. And this sir, is only one of the works to be done for India to win!And there are many many more.

Sir, There are minorities in this country who don't trust you. And you know this better than I do. And they have reasons for it. If you want this country to win, minorities also have to be taken along. Sir, as you would have known now, your ministry is the one with the least number of minorities in independent history. And let this not hamper you in taking them along.

Sir, I hope you know there are your followers who abuse anybody who oppose you at the drop of a pen. I also hope sir, that you know it reflects on you badly. When taking the country forward teach them grace. Grace is the best way to reach people sir. Believe me, It is!

Sir, I know you used a lot of money from the capitalists. Sadly I agree, without them it is not possible to win elections in this country. But sir, If you go out of the way to give whatever you got, Life in this country for the common man will be,well-nigh impossible.

Sir, economic development in this country is sadly measured by stock markets and GDP. But this is not how it should be measured. Education, health and sanitation are important factors which are to be taken in to consideration. Without measuring them, any growth is a sham sir. There are good economists who can show you the way, if only you take them in consideration.

I know you have just won a huge election and it is time to celebrate. Celebrate sir! It is after all a huge victory. But then your honey moon period will be too small and if you don't start delivering on the promises, people won't forgive. If you want to know about that sir, ask your predecessors. They know it all too well!

All the best sir in your endeavour to make India win. God be with you.

Why I cannot not write on her!

There are people I admire and there are people I love! Yes, both are different. And when she called me today just to tell me a 'hi' I realized that she belongs to both the categories. I love her for what she is, a friend I can go to and a sister who has stood with me and I admire her for the personality she is and the life she lives.

Sudarshinika, is somebody who has been pretty close to me for years now. Ever since her young son Oby became my fan(Yes! my fan) as a toddler, we have been close. And she has been one of my best friends since then.

I love her for she has been my go to person for anything and everything. For the failures and disappointments, for the times of shock and disgust and to the days of immense joy hers has been the first go to number for years now. And she has been wonderful! 'Wonderful' is too small a word I think.

And did n't I tell you I respect her? Not for all the love she has poured out, but for the life she lives and the personality she is! The honesty and the integrity she brings to her workplace, the love she has shown on her inlaws, the ways she brings up her little children and to top it all the humility she is bestowed with, have all been lessons for life.

Akka, not many people know what you are to me! Life has thrown a lot of wonderful people at me, yet you are special. Thanks for everything you have given. Hope you remain the same incredible human being you are, and remain the special person you are to me in the years to come.

  

On elections and the political discourse!

So, the greatest(should it be the 'largest'?) event happening on the face of the earth, the Indian elections, is underway. The newspapers, the twitter, the FB, and the daily luncheon conversations have been all about this event. I wish elections have a more direct impact on the daily life of people than just be the topics of discussions around dinner tables. Sadly, It has always remained a wish.

So, what do we talk? I mean, what are the conversations all about? Is it the general rhetoric about which of the leader is more stupid? or have our chats become more deeper about policy making, capitalism, socialism and stuff's like that?

I have a sense that the common man just reflects the political discourse at the highest levels and sadly at the highest levels, it is a mess. An absolute mess!

What else can we expect when Baba Ramdev, Amit Shah, Subramaniam Swamy, Priyanka Vadra, Digvijay Singh, Madhukishwar, Vijayakanth,(and the list is endless)dominate proceedings? So we abuse, we yell, we crib and shout the very same non sense these people do from the podiums.

It that all it is to run a country? Should not we, the blog readers, people on FB and twitter, the educated and having access to computers be atleast debating the deeper stuff? Like the Food security bill, the pakistani foreign policy or the right to education etc? Should not atleast the educated media debate meaningful stuff rather than throwing muck on each other?

Daily discourse on who is more stupid of the lot will lead us nowhere? I mean, how do you mark stupidity on a scale? and some of our so called leaders stupidity is almost immeasurable!

Let us change our daily conversations. Make it more meaningful, more worthy, using more of our intellect than our hearts. May be in the process, we will make the political discourse from the podiums better.

In moments like these.....

I really don't know why I had to do this. Sitting in my room, alone, hundred kilometres away from my sick mom, a person who had loved me more than anybody else can even dream of and typing randomly in a page I don't like reading again.

I don't know why anybody had to go through so much pain. Mentally, physically, emotionally it had been draining her the last three weeks. Of course, the 'why' question had to come here? Why should it be her? One of the best human beings that this planet could ever see! Why so much pain? Why so early? I mean, she is all of 53!

I don't know what is going through her mind. Is she thinking about her children not getting settled yet? Or is she thinking about the hospital and the patients for whom she had lived for almost thirty years now? Or is she thinking about the man she had loved like crazy all these years? Or is she thinking about her brothers and sisters and their families whom she loved so much? 

I don't know, rather I don't understand most of what the docs say. Indeed I have decided not to even try to understand. I know I cannot do anything about it; I know the docs know better and they mean good for her. I believe pain is a part of life and the design. And I don't know the reason for it.

Sorry for the emotional rant, without any meaning. I don't know what to do.....

In moments like these....

A life the world was not worthy of!

I wish she had been here to read this. I could see her get excited at the very thought of some body writing on her. Sadly, she is not here. The world is not worthy of such a life. And truly, she does n't deserve such a world.

Her mother had tried suicide twice when she was in her womb. Once when she was a kid! Father ran away, never to come again. She was taken to an orphanage when she was in her pre school years. Clearly, her childhood was in tatters. But the orphanage took care of her well enough to keep her happy. Never during the my six months of acquaintance with her, she has spoken badly about her childhood. She studied hard. Hard enough to top the school. Yet, the mother did not have enough money to send her to college. Neither were the orphanage willing to take her.

She joined as a STD booth operator. Learnt DTP by seeing how her colleague works. Then learnt some computers and some spoken English on her own. Slowly, she got a job as a trainer in an IT firm. All on her own. She travelled far and wide, across the country. The money was slowly coming in and life looked set to turn for good until that day.

It was a regular medical check up in her office. And the results showed some abnormality. After a wrong diagnosis of tuberculosis, it was confirmed as Cancer. She was all of 25! Has just started living life. The world broke down before her. She did not have the money for treatment neither had any body to take care off. But there were friends, friend's of friends and some good hearts who indeed took care of her. And after seven long years of chemo, Cancer recurrence, a lot of pain, the loss of hair and a whole lot of humiliation, she passed away yesterday. Dare I say thankfully, there is no more pain.

I was there in the hospital the whole day. She had died the previous night. Yet, the hospital did not declare death. They asked for 10 units of blood, which we frantically arranged. Then they said, there is a 10% chances of her survival if we do an operation; But there she was, no pulse, on ventilator. What was the hospital trying to tell us? That they will bring back a dead? Or was she still alive? Was the hospital cheating us? Not many questions had answers. After a lot of struggle, the hospital discharged her. And we confirmed death (Dead for a long time) in the government hospital.

I know her for 6 months. Saw her smiling away her worries in a TV programme and contacted her. The day she spoke in our bible study nobody had dry eyes. Yet she was smiling! She called me many times to tell what to do for my sick mom! Went all the way to another hospital to help a friend three days after her chemo. When she had no money, called another orphan who had no where to go to be with her. And boy, she made that girl live life.

Yesterday when I was there in the hospital reflecting on a life, that was bruised and battered all along, the thing that stood up was that, "she was happy"! She lived a normal life, helped people, amidst all the chaos the world around was.

On her death bed a friend joked, that she will have to give us a treat before she dies! She was all game. She lived her life. May be, she is happy out there now. And dare I say thankfully, she died. The big bad world is not worthy of her.

RIP ka! We will catch up at the other end of the world. Treat Pending!!!

Forgiveness the way forward?

For once I had to pity Rahul Gandhi. For all his theatrics and stupidity, he came across today as some one who was genuinely sad. He had seen his dad blasted off at a pretty young age. And today when somebody unrelated to him decides to forgive his dad's murderers to get the votes which spills out of this, I can understand his sadness.

A Prime minister and some policemen with him were killed. The killers were given capital punishment and after the supreme court's intervention the punishment was reduced to life imprisonment and suddenly they were freed.They were forgiven. Forgiven of the murder charges. Forgiven of the death penalty. Forgiven of the reduced life imprisonment.

As one part of the world celebrated the decision, another part felt sad. Betrayed! Why forgive? they ask. They have actually murdered the prime minister of the country. Then why not forgive Kasab? and Afzal guru? Why selective forgiveness? And why forgiveness in the first place?

Alright, they were forgiven as they have spent enough time of their lives in prison. Then, how long is too long? I mean, why not forgive after 5 years and not 25 years? How many murders will be forgiven? I mean, if I kill one person and I am forgiven, what if I kill 7?

Ha! the question marks are becoming too many and too complicated for comfort.

Because it became complicated I shut my mind off and decided to listen to the heart. And the heart says forgive. Forgive 7 murders. Forgive 77 murders.Forgive after 5 years. Forgive after 15 years. If the judicial system intends to be reformative instead of being retributive, it has to forgive.

I'm not in anyway against punishment. But just saying, forgiveness has to come at some point after punishment.

I'm sorry Rahul. I can feel your pain. I know it is easier for me to say 'forgive'. But forgiveness alone promotes the humanising belief that even the offenders can be saved and not just be punished.

Of weekends and a best friend's wedding!

So what happens when one your best friend decides to get married? And it happens on a weekend with a choral performance on the morning of the weekend? Fun! is the best word i can put in here. And what fun it was!

'J' Decided to get married two months ago. No! He decided loooooong back......The bride searching went on for some time.I surely know how long it takes. Believe me, I am going through it. After the usual 'yeses' and 'Nos' he finally settled down on this girl 'P'. It took a long time coming though. And so in the last two months of his pre marital life, we had 6 treats, innumerable discussions on the wedding plans including the gifting, the travelling etc etc.

All of a sudden the day came. We friends had arranged a car to take the long 500 Km, 7-8 hour drive. 'J' as usual joined us, without informing his parents and 'P' of course. I mean, he was supposed to take a train and that is all the parents and 'P' knew. So we started around 3 PM, and had to pick up my cousin on the way. The car was packed to its brim. Indian style! When we took our first break we realized we had a punctured tyre. After all we are IT professionals; Changing tyres should not be an issue. But, IT professionals do not change tyres, do they? It was an incredibly difficult job and we had absolutely no clue how we did it. After changing tyres we realized the spare tyre also is out of air. I again don't know why we did not find that out before replacing the tyres.I told you, we are stupid. I mean, we are IT professionals after all. So, both the tyres were repaired and we reached the place were my cousin is 2 hours late. And it was already dark!

Thanks to my aunt we had some poori's for dinner, though I still doubt its veracity. Some said it was 'appalam'. I'm confused! As soon as we started 'P' called 'J'. Remember, he is in the train? So all of us had to do a train journey impersonations. 'P' believed. She is naive after all. Girls are,usually before marriage! After a good, (Ok!) decent dinner we reached home at around 1:30 AM. When i entered another cousin of mine who had come for a choir programme the next day was wide awake. So the chatting started! and the laughing! and it was 4:30 AM. Time to go to bed!. I had to get up at 7:00 AM for the choir programme and it was worth every bit of effort to get up. Listening to Handel's classics and Theodore's modern Tamil numbers were just out of  this world. At least 'Out of this world' is the phrase the choir had asked me to use here.

So, After the mandatory sunday afternoon biriyani, we were up and running again. In the mean time the car had another puncture and so another hour of running around with the tyre. We had a 2 hour drive after the tyres got repaired and were in time for the engagement ceremony. After the engagement ceremony, we realized the best friend had not booked rooms for us to stay and we have to move to your uncle's place. I understand him! He is after all my best friend. There is always the time to reciprocate:)

Then again a night of chatting and laughter in the uncle's place. Another early morning getting up after having a few hours of sleep means severe headache. But, can't rest! after all our best friend is the groom. The marriage ceremony went on really well!  It can't go wrong! We were there. And then the reception happened. Of course we had our gifts ready by then. Hell no! I can't reveal the gift here. Immediately after the gifting is done we started back. Did not even wait to eat the biriyani. Of course we had a sumptuous lunch on the way, whose bill will be as usual claimed from 'J'.

The drive again was 10 hours! The car had a sensor malfunction which made the engine switch off once it cross 80 Kms per hour. All this we bore in the name of our best friend 'J' and his wife 'P'. And we reached home at 1 AM again.

 Now we are all geared up for the first treat after he settles down. This is the wedding treat! Don't ask me what the others were.

Life those two days! It was what life was meant to be. Fun!

Is education the cure?

Two days ago I left my 'American Tourister' bag outside the huge library in Chennai and went inside for my daily ritual. When I came back my bag was missing. It was such a good bag that one of my best friend always fought for it. Somebody found it to be too interesting and decided to steal it.

Bag getting stolen? In a library? where the best brains in and around Chennai are supposed to be slogging it out in pursuit of a brighter future? My brother said, may be the security personnel or some library staff could have taken it. He is right, I told myself. The educated youth can't be stealing bags.

Is it so? The educated youth don't steal? My mind struggled with that logic. In fact the biggest thieves this country have seen have been the more educated. The doctors, the lawyers, the engineers, the business managers and of course the highly educated bureaucracy and the saintly politicians. The great American D.L Moody said this and is n't he bang on?

                         " Take a child stealing bolts and nuts in a railway track and give him education,
                            he will steal the whole railway track!"

Then from where have we got the idea that education is going to cleanse humanity? Why do we instantly think that the poor and the uneducated steal more? Why do we feel that the rapes and murders this society is becoming accustomed to happen because of the illiterate migrants?

May be we are to put our thinking caps on again! and think a way out of the mess we are in. 'Education', in its current form is not the cure.

I could hear the former BBC journalist Malcolm Muggeridge murmur,

                                                "We have educated ourselves to imbecility!"

Where are the statesman?

It is frustrating! There is a moron, a murderer as the now famous tweet mentioned. Only it failed to mention that there is an anarchist who has recently joined the bandwagon.

Don't take me wrong. I am an optimist. I believe in the system. May be the system needs some small works here and there, but overhauling the system as the Prince repeated often is not my idea.

So, where are the statesman? The Lincoln's, the Washington's, the Mandela's and the Gandhi's I was made to read about. Indeed, as a child I had read about em all and 'awed' at some of them. I was taught they are leaders because they were honest; they cared for the people and fought injustice. I was taught the world is a better place just because they led their people.

Sadly for us, there is one who makes history books look foolish, whose biggest aide has two murder cases on him, who thinks the reason for malnutrition in children is the beauty consciousness of girls(Yes! He is stupid) and who does not inspire any confidence among two large chunk of people. Then there is the other whose greatest achievement is to have kept Arnab quite for two hours. I mean it! For two hours Arnab was dumb stuck! At the foolishness of it all. At the thought that people like me are still fools to think that he is going to change the system which his forefathers constructed and he himself was part of for ten long years. Like the kid which builds its own house and breaks it only to build another in the beach sand.

I hope and pray that the third one does not take the route taken by the leaders (Oops!) of this country. But already the signs are ominous and I dare not have big expectations.

So that takes me to my question again. Where are the statesman? May be I'm so naive to believe that a statesman will rise up from a motley group of jokers that we are. There can't be and won't be a leader worth naming unless us( Yes! You and me) behave like we deserve one.

I mean, A people as dishonest as us, as brutal and as criminal as we are don't deserve one; do we?