Deserving friendship!

'I don't deserve to be your friend', I heard the voice choke on the other end of that phone. Bang, the phone got cut.

'K' was one of my best friends during a phase of my life. We hugged each other and promised to stay in touch forever, even as life took us along different paths. Yet slowly the long calls became occasional calls and soon the vagaries of life made us forget each other. New friendships were made and different people came into our lives.

I had tried to contact him for some time and could not get to him. Once he said, he will call back. Once he was too drunk to talk. And then that day happened! I knew he was in trouble. His voice was shivering. I was in a prayer meeting and could not talk to him at that moment. The idiot I'm, didn't just walk out of the meeting and answer him. I told him I will get back to him. And there ended it all.

Today, got those same words 'I don't deserve to be your friend' text, from 'S'. I mean, we were just joking. But that got me thinking about 'K' and of course 'deserving friends';

How do I 'deserve' to be a friend?

I mean, can somebody deserve the love of a friend? And if love is given because he deserves, is the love true? Friendship is just love. Pure and pristine. I don't expect anything in return to be a friend. I go the extra mile, just because I love my friend. Can I ever do anything impressive to deserve the love of a friend? Can any work be a substitute for love?

Have I confused you enough? Ah! I'm confused as well. And by the way in all this confusion, I miss that friend 'K'. What if 'K' reads this and calls me tomorrow morning? Wish God likes fairy tales. 

Dear BJP! I'm Indian and a Christian.

Dear Mr. Prime minister and your party members,

I'm hurt! Deeply hurt. When everytime one of you call actor Vijay 'Joseph Vijay' just to prove his christianess and because of that his alieness to the country 'India', my blood boils. Why should somebody's religion come in to the picture at all when you are talking about a movie scene against you?

He was never ever called 'Joseph Vijay' till now. He has made a statement in a movie against GST. The statement may be false. It is a movie dammit. A figment of his imagination. He never even claims things to be true. And to fight against supposed falsehood in a movie, which in itself claims to be a fiction, you guys have to bring in the religion of the actor and inform the world that he brings in falsehood because he is from such a religion! How low can you guys stoop down to?

I'm born an Indian. A Tamilian. Brought up to love this country. Spoke Tamil at home. I'm born a Christian! Brought up in a deeply religious home. Just to give you a background of me.

And I'm as Indian as any of my school and college mates. Dare I say more Indian, since I had till now refused to go abroad to earn more money and thought of serving this country. I said no to a high paying job which could have sent me to Netherlands and from there to much greener pastures and decided to serve in a god forbidden place where you and your ilk forgot to give basic education, health care and basic infrastructure like roads and electricity.

I speak and think in my mother tongue as much as any Indian does! My constitution has allowed me to practise my religion, which I had embraced from my childhood and I'm proud of the constitution for letting me do that. My dad and my mom had refused to earn ten times as much as they have, which they so easily could have, and have served the poor for their life time.

Not once, have my friends or my colleagues treated me like a foreigner in this land. I have all along been respected for my views and nobody once had made me feel like a foreigner. Nobody. Till you came along.

Now all you and your party does is to make me look like a damn outsider living in a country. For every issue my religious identity is brought out and I'm made to feel like somebody who does not belong here.

I'm sorry BJP, but i'm worried for the future of many minorities like me in this country. I hope my country men don't fall for this bait. And let us live as normal human beings as we have all along.

In search of the addressless!

"I left house when I was eight", said that boy. In search of the illusory happiness and running away from the real world of schools, exams and homework! 

He had only one leg, One huge hump on his back when I saw him. He would have been around fifteen. May be thirteen. He din't know his age. I was twenty one.  Life was at a different pace then! 

That boy had run away from strict parents thinking life will be full of roses. Sadly he did not see the thorns of the world out there. He took the only train available in his small town and two days after that found himself in a remote land speaking a different language with a multitude of people, cramming for every single inch of space. Bombay! After spending many years by the roadside and eating the leftovers of those who can afford, he decided to go back home.

Home he thought will be where the train which he came from goes to. Sadly, the train went to another filthy city with people speaking another language and in the mayhem of coming out of the railway station of Kolkata, he met with an accident and lost his leg. 

In that lost state, these two nun sisters from the mother Teresa's home found him. They took him back home. Nursed him. Fed him. Till he became alright. It was there I met him, when I was volunteering with the Mother Theresa's home.

He never spoke to anybody there. Strangely enough he realised I could speak the language he knew. We became friends and on the day I was leaving he said, "Can you find my parents for me?" Teary eyed, he hugged me! And I promised I will.

So all he knew was his house was small, near a market and in the town 'V'! 

My mind wrestled with the stupid idea of searching for the addressless! How do you look for somebody in the multitude without knowing anything? Quit it sam! You will not find him, said the usual voice. Oh no Sam. What if you find him, said a strange voice within. I decided to give it a try. I was not doing anything anyways then. 

So with a bag on my shoulder, I went. In to the town 'V'. Searching for this small house, near the market. 

I quit often! You are a fool, sam! That voice often wrestled. What are you looking for? It asked me. Oh well! The other shrill voice, kept me going. 

Do you know, it is nine years to this date that I found his house. That small house, near the market, in the town 'V'? That mother hugged me and cried. I called the Nun sisters and put the family on to the boy. And the fool I'm, did not get their contact number and follow up on the family. 

Did the boy join the family? Did the mother go all the way to pick that boy up? Did the sister, who was not on talking terms to the mother, talk to the brother? Is the boy mobile now? What happened to his lump? Was it operated on? And I did not even get the address. Should I make one more trip to check on him now? Will I be able to find them now? What if the parents had not bothered to pick him up at all? Will he still be in the orphanage? 

So who is up for one more adventure in search of all these questions? To the small house near the marked in the town 'V'. In search of the addressless!

Journalism, thy name is a curse!

There was a time when I wanted to be a Journalist. I think that craving is still there in some remote corner of the heart. Yet, today I felt happy that I din't become one.

Some time ago when the news of the sad death(Should it be murder?) of the 60 odd children in the UP government hospital due to lack of oxygen was coming out I started looking at some NEWS source. The two lapdogs of the government, 'Times Now', and 'The Republic' were debating the very important, "Should Vande Maataram be made compulsory in schools" debate.

As the NEWS started to spread on social media, these two channels continued to debate Vande Maataram and its importance. And the anchor from 'TimesNow', told one of her panelist not to distract the country by the Gorakhpur deaths when the focus is on singing vande maataram to improve nationalism.

Distract the country by Gorakpur deaths? It took me a full two minutes to even comprehend what she said! What brazen arrogance? When did singing 'Vande Maataram' become more important than the life of human beings? And children in that? 60 of them.

Is there only money involved in buying these journalists off? Are there any thing else? Do they issue threats also? Is there anything called honest Journalism left anymore? I live in a ethically and morally deteriorating medical community, but I have seen beacons of light here and there. Many can and are surviving, in fact doing really well, if they are honest. But can there be honest people at all in the Journalistic world? I very much doubt it.

Most of the print and the television media is funded by advertisements! And advertisements are done only by the big Multi National conglomerates. And these huge conglomerates fund the political parties also. 

And in the modern day, govt advertisements have also increased many fold! On top of that, the government has the veto power to issue diktats. With all this, it needs a lot of inner power and mental strength to listen to the inner heart and speak the truth. And I seriously doubt I would have had the guts to stand up for the truth!

I wish I'm wrong! But I think we have entered a seriously dangerous territory where every media is  gagged and truth is buried and half truths are circulated.

My uncle said this years ago! Journalists are the most dishonest people on earth and I don't want you to be like that. How prophetic those words are!

Am I successful?

"Naan vaazhkaila thothuten da!" (I lost in life); said she!My classmate. She was all of 25 then. There was a quite pause on the other end of the phone. I din't know what to tell her.

I knew she was going through a bad phase in life! May be three to four years of bad phase. By bad phase I mean, the life did not go according to her plan. But, "Lost in life?" Does that mean, there is a win in life as well? 

And then today she called again, after a loooong time! Her voice sounded happy. She said she is on her way to Italy. My mind immediately said, Ah! this girl has won in life! 

Won in life?

How do I define success and failure in life? That if everything you wanted in life happened, is that a victory? and if everything that you attempt in life does not happen are you a failure? If so, I was the biggest failure, in life! Nothing, basically nothing, has gone according to the road map the society and the family and my own maniacal brain had for my life! Every time there was a plan, my life has gone in the exact opposite direction.

Do we define victory or defeat by the status or the amount of money you earn in life? So, does it mean the most successful are the biggest earners, like the Ambanis or the prime minister of India who has achieved greater status than anybody else in this country? Or do we define success by the number of countries visited? Like you are successful if you are in the States, especially if you are an Indian. Or this friend of mine, had she suddenly won over life, coz she is going to Italy? 

When I went back and read the last paragraph, geez it stuck me hard! I am a failure there too. I din't earn 20% of the money I could have, nor did I visit the number of countries I would have! 

So what exactly is a victory in life? Am I successful? Or as usual, am I a failure? I don't know! 

May be it is different for different people! May be there is no template for success! May be as the modern generation godmen tell you, happiness is more important than success. And then the question is to define happiness! Ah, the complexities of life.

For now, it is simple! Wish her a safe trip to Italy and go back to what pays you. As simple as that!And of course be the best you can be!