35 years of grace!

It is dark and eerily quiet. The sound of the blades of the fan cutting through the air is deafening. I switch off the fan and sit on my computer. To reflect and blog my life. The 34 years I had walked on this earth, as yet another human being burdening the planet. 

Where do I start? It has been one hell of a journey.

Life as I used to see it was never easy. For a long period of time at least. It wasn't ever meant to be. A few marks here and there and I could have so easily been a doctor or an IAS officer. A simple medical check-up, a few months earlier could have saved my mom. Little more effort from my side, I could have played for the Tamil Nadu state teams. It just did not happen. 'If only', had always been a phrase in my life for the longest possible time. That is what I thought for a long time. That life had not been fair to me. Or rather, it has not been an easy life. 

But when I reflect on life now, with all the wisdom of the years gone by, life on the contrary, has been ridiculously easy. Blessed will be a better word. 

How can I complain, with all the privileges I'm bestowed with? I wrote all my blessings down here and then deleted them. They are far too many to count and to be honest a little too surreal to show off. God has been incredibly kind!  Grace is the word I use. To describe a life that did not deserve all its goodness. 

Through the last year, when the world went through terrible times, I managed to live and work. To love and was loved. To find new friends and re-established contact with some old ones. What else do I ask for? 

As it has always been, I'm sure the new year is going to be full of dreams and incredible opportunities. Love and more love. Fun and frolic. Some music and writing for sure. Ofcourse the occasional nonsense. And a lot more Grace. 

That is how I have always known lyf!  

The Love will last the world!

A few days back as I went to sleep, this thought kept coming back to my mind again and again. By the end of it all, when the dust settles down and the bones rot, the air will still smell of love. 

When one of my friends told me yesterday, "I'm so proud of you", I got reminded of that thought again.

I had not achieved anything big, was just trying to put together my reading habit again. I was never the voracious reader but never was I a non-reader. Books had always been a part of my life. Till suddenly the social media bug bit me. The world of small sentences and images and videos had spoilt my hunger for books. Suddenly the mind settled for the low-hanging fruits of the twitters and the Facebooks. 

After many failed attempts at resuscitating the dead reading habit, this year I have finally gone back to the days of the youth! Ah, the smell of a new book. I set weekly targets and have achieved most of what was aimed for and it is already the 6th month. The inner human in me was flaunting this achievement to the dear friend. The human need for validation is immense I suppose. I'm proud of you da, she said then!

The brain lit a spark. The human heart aches for is pure unsolicited love not necessarily the pat on the back after a victory or achievement. Knowing me, I would have still flaunted myself for keeping such targets to read books, even if I had been a miserable failure and had not read a single book. And the friend would have still been proud, for there is love beneath that pat on the back. Pride is just the afterthought, an addendum of sorts, to the underlying love! 

Two people in my life have shown me what it means to love. 

The wifey is the epitome of it. For she could muster love through the most difficult of circumstances. When life sucks, when I'm at my worst behavior, through all the non-sense our families threw at her, she could carve out love, earnest, and sincere. 

Then my Mom. Her name spelled love. Dust on my mom's life has settled down. Her bones I'm sure are rotten. Life is so normal, that I sometimes find it difficult to imagine, how it would have been to have her around. Yet, all that remains of her was the love she showered on everyone around. Love pure and love pristine. Memories of the hugs and the kisses. The pats on the backs. The hugs. The smiles. And through it all, the love. 

Love shall last the world! For the human aching for love is real.