A grateful goodbye!

So, did you all like 2021? Did you? Did I like 2021? Come let us relive my year. 

I'm just letting my thoughts flow over; 2021 was a year like that; Like a river that ebbed and flowed. Yet through it all, His grace was sufficient!

What can you say about a year where we as a family went from one hospital to another to another. From one specialist to another. From a cardiologist to an oncologist to a gynaecologist; The year in a gist, was the gists of the medical field put together. Yet, as always, the family stood tall! Taller than ever before. We laughed our way through the most difficult days. Wifey takes the cake. Extended family the cherry on top.

The blessings though, have been many! The biggest blessing of it all, are the much awaited children coming into our lives in the coming years. What a joy will that be, to hold one more of those God given dolls.

When it rains, it pours! And blessings did pour, as two more joined in the extended family. Marriage, the fun of cousins' wedding and two new souls joining the madness were fun. 

Friends have always been my backbone! Well, the backbone stood strong this year too. Everyday and through the lows and highs, they stood strong. A brilliant new friendship was formed. Best friend for life! A few childhood friendships renewed. 

Ever grateful to the passionate souls I worked with day in and day out. My team and my org were simply the best. Through every thing my life threw at me, they stood with me. Ah, what will be life without them?

I look forward excitedly for new beginnings. Newer roles. Personally and professionally. Meeting more people. More travel. A lot of reading and writing. Newer adventures. Newer challenges. Can life get more exciting? 

Did I like 2021? Well, 2021 has set up 2022 really well. For that I'm grateful for 2021. It wasn't the best. It sure wasn't. No major complains either. Just a grateful goodbye. 

Is nationalism a privilege?

"You are a true Indian", the friend commented. He even gifted me a T-shirt with the "India loves you" tag on it. I wore it proudly around. I was a young boy with fantasies of changing the country for good working for an organisation in southern Assam and had always worn nationalism on my chest. Loved the country to bits. Felt proud of the Army! (What was I then, a sanghi? 😟)

This brilliant Naga doctor friend, colleague and neighbour, always knew better than me. He spoke highly of the Naga's and their history. He had a brilliant understanding of the tribal lives, their culture, their socio-economy and every other thing about the Naga way of living! I mean, there were 1001 tribes and each had a way of life, and this guy knew it all. 

And he always, in his own humble way, said India hasn't been kind to them. 

I argued with him. Didn't really think it was India's mistake that the state of Nagaland remained backward(whatever that mean). Though, somehow, he always won the arguments. Obviously he knew better! 

When the Indian army shot dead 14 innocent human beings yesterday, my thoughts went back to those conversations. I can hear my friend shout out loud on my ears, "Didn't I tell you?, India hasn't been kind to us". 

I hang my head in shame. Any country which shoots at human beings, leave alone the adjective 'innocent', does not deserve an existence in this modern world. When you shoot at your own people, and that without any provocation whatsoever, it is plain barbarianism. The modern word for it is 'Terrorism'. 

The politics of Armed Forces Special Powers Act (AFSPA) which provides immunity to any action taken by armed men in the so called disturbed areas is problematic at so many levels. 

Why should armed men be allowed to freely use their weapon without control in a civilized society? What will be the mindset of young children growing up seeing armed battalion roaming around on the main roads? How does it feel, when you can't trust those who are supposed to be protecting you? More importantly, why should the armed men have immunity from judicial actions? 

I dare argue with the wisdom of my friend again! Life, as I grew older, showed me the mirror of privilege; To not know the pain of having armed men standing guard on your doorstep is a privilege. To not understand what it means to have police men shooting at your neighbours is a privilege. In fact, sadly, not being shot at, by the so called protectors, is in itself a privilege. 

Is wearing the badge of nationalism a privilege too? AFSPA deems it so. 

Better together!

As the night wore on and the clock stuck 12, not one person in the house had slept. ‘Diamond’, ‘Heartin’, ‘clawers’ and ‘spades’ ruled the conversation. It actually had been a tiring day, but nothing can be seen on their faces. For when siblings come together, where will tiredness reside?

‘J’, my little sister, had just got married. We (the cousins) had planned a prank and waiting for her to enter the room with her ‘just married’ husband ‘A’. Poor ‘A’, what is he getting into? We were playing cards, pulling each other’s legs. There was fun. Frolic! ‘A’ and ‘J’ just walked in. It was almost 1 AM and the prank was played. The sound of the laughter would have been heard across the town, for we “Laughed out Loud”.

As I went to my bed that night, I kept thinking about this beautiful concept of sibling hood! Not necessarily children born of the same parent. People brought together by blood and by will. People who consider the other as soul mates and as bloodlines! Beyond age and gender differences. Much beyond the oceans and the lands.

In a world divided and competitive, I don’t remember ever being Jealous of any one of my siblings! And I have plenty of them. We have fought and cried, but never have we borne a grudge against one of them. I confidently use the pronoun ‘we’ for I’m sure every one of them can vouch for my previous statement. Sibling rivalry has never been heard. Broad shoulders to lean on and warm laps to rest down have always been the norm. Perhaps, I’m one of the privileged few! Perhaps, this is how it is meant to be.

As the wedding reception went on, a small decorated area was kept exclusively for selfies’. The background read “Better together”! I took pictures together with a few of my siblings, whoever was available then.

For the world is better, when siblings stay together!

What would life be without sport?

"If Sachin plays well, India sleeps well"- Harsha Bhogle

The last 48 hours have been phenomenal for Indian sport. Yesterday night Indian men's hockey team beat our former colonial masters, Great Britain to enter the semi-finals. The last time that happened 74% of the country had not been born, including yours truly. Then the unthinkable happened. Indian women's hockey team beat the mighty Aussies to reach the Semi-Finals. Unthinkable, coz this hasn't happened before; It wasn't meant to happen either. 

As a six-year-old, I saw Leander Paes-led Indian tennis team beat a supposedly better french team in the Davis cup. I saw my dad wipe a tear of joy; The family friends in whose house the match was telecast erupted with joy. A young boy geared up to live the life of the sports fanatic! Not knowing that the path was full of heartbreaks. 

We did have the rare joyous eruptions! When Sachin blitzed the desert storm, Paes and Bhupathi won those doubles grand slams, Karnam Malleswari weight lifted the nation to a bronze medal, Pullela Gopichand lifted the all England, and needless to say when Abhinav Bindra brought home the Olympic gold. The heart exploded with joy! We shared parties, spoke about that for long hours, and certainly, slept peacefully. But they were few and far between. For, we were and sadly are, an ordinary sporting nation. 'Ordinary' would actually be an understatement!

Let us face it, for all the noise we make across the world, we are a poor country! Most Indians struggle to put food on the table. Even for those who can afford food, every day is a struggle. Struggle against our own cultural arrogance, moral ineptitude, and systemic failures. So, every sportsman performing at the highest levels has to do it despite the environment and not coz of the environment. That explains the minuscule chances to celebrate for us, the sports buffs, who search for the biriyani and often end up getting the bread crumbs. 

I'm reminded of that fateful evening in the year 2000! When Indian hockey was supposed to enter the Olympic semi-final after 20 years. Against a lowly ranked Poland. One minute and 46 seconds left! To protect the goal for a minute and 46 seconds is all that is needed. My heart could still hear the thud the polish goal made. I cried. It was a shocker. It has taken another 20 years for the Indian hockey team to make it to the Semifinals. That is how starved of great Indian sporting moments. 

Heartbreaks and joys; Tears and happines; Fun, excitement and sadness; Sleepless nights and prolonged party nights. Sport, live sport, has the remarkable ability to tug the inner hearts like no other. 

I gear up for another 120 minutes of heart-stopping hockey! Am I going to party tomorrow? Or is it going to be a painfully slow night? Ah! what would life be without sport?  

Amma Jokes!

I know I can talk about her forever! But didn't want to bore you all with her praise all over again. Anyways everyone knows that she was a great woman. A few days ago someone I do not know well, messaged me on Social Media and said "I want to live like your mother. I want my son to work for the community like your mother"; Once a friend saw my mother's photo in the purse of an autorickshaw driver. When asked the man replied, "She is like my mother"; One random woman approached my father and asked about my mothers' history saying, She is going to make her child talk about my mother in an elocution competition in school on the topic "Leaders I want to emulate"; Sorry, there I go again. Just randomly I start praising her again. I will stop here. Instead, I thought I will take this opportunity to talk about her naivety. Our 'amma jokes' in the family! And believe me, these are real and nothing is made up. 

As soon as she finished her MBBS, she joined work in a hospital near her house in Tambaram, Chennai. When they gave her the first month's salary, she took it back to the medical superintendent and told them to keep the salary, thinking that they have given her a lot of money and what will the hospital do if they gave her so much money. And that first salary was apparently Rs.800/-

Once amma went with appa in the car, with appa driving. When Amma's best friend G called her mobile. Amma replied, "G, I can't talk to you now, I have to concentrate on the road"! Okay, my dad is a bad driver. But my mom seriously thought she drove the vehicle every time she is inside one. 

Once appa was reversing the car, with amma for support saying "Varalam pa (Come come)"; Till the car hit a pole and believe me, amma genuinely said "Idichiruchu pa (It has hit something)". 

Amma never knew anything about any politics, and often had fought with me saying, "You are lying, people cannot be that bad". Sadly, she was put into a church committee for the simple reason that they had just created a quota for women and there were only so many people eligible and amma happened to be one. So in the first committee meeting, they started discussing and it became a debate/argument and she started crying and stood up and could not sit down it seems. So they walked her back home and conducted all the other meetings without her. 

Once she went out with her friend N, and N sent her back in her car with her new driver. The driver did not know amma's place. Sadly neither did amma knew the route to her own house (after living 25 years in the same town). So the driver and amma decided to ask someone, and they asked a policeman the route to the house. The policeman saw my mom and saluted her (Most of the town would have been her patient at some point). Now it became embarrassing to ask the policeman the route to her own house. So she just exchanged pleasantries and moved on. So amma finally made the driver get out of the vehicle and ask the route to her house so that the people on the road don't see her asking the way to her own house. 

There are so many. Amma jokes were a routine in the family. We laughed at her naivety and she laughed with us! She somehow protected the purity of her childhood from getting polluted by the darkness of the world. Perhaps therein lies the reason for being loved!  

I will leave you with her famous smile and a few more of my blogs on her. 

To read more about her please go through my other blogs on her

https://samszammy.blogspot.com/2014/07/a-life-so-beautifully-lived.html

https://samszammy.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-women-i-growing-fond-of-by-day.html

https://samszammy.blogspot.com/2020/07/the-last-week-had-been-time-of-intense.html

https://samszammy.blogspot.com/2015/07/my-last-night-with-mother.html

https://samszammy.blogspot.com/2017/07/that-day-as-it-panned-out.html

The writer's dilemma!

I love words! Sometimes, I read and re-read and read again a few sentences and they sound so nice and beautiful. Like Illayaraja and his violin interludes; Rahman and the overtures. Philip Yancey, Dorothy Clarke Wilson, Dominque Lapierre, and Larry Collins,  Harsha Bhogle, NS, DB, and a lot more great people whose play around with words have had me attracted to the English language. 

No, I'm not a language connoisseur. Or a grammar Nazi! I just love the stories, the thoughts, put together like a bunch of flowers tied together on a thread. Single flowers do have the charm! But when put together, it sometimes is otherworldly. 

Did any of you guess my dilemma? I'm sure some of you would have. 

The dilemma of wanting to write, but don't really know what to! Thought block, is a word often thrown around I presume; But do writers also go through the phase where they can't think of anything to write? It sometimes feels terrible when the whole world around is chucking out so many books and here you are struggling to put together a blog. Just a 500-word blog! 

Many times I open my blog, start typing profusely and delete them all. They don't make sense. They just don't. I simply close the computer down and go back to the big bad world of small sentences, Twitter.  

I remember a pleasant October evening in Delhi when the mind just flowed stories. I wrote and wrote and wrote that day. Many of which are still in my drafts folder, but why don't such days happen often? More often than not these days I type and delete and type and delete. The mind just feels blank. Like a bubble wrap, it just bursts out air. 

So back to the dilemma. Should I just sit and push and put pen to paper, and call whatever comes out, a blog, or just wait, patiently and earnestly, that someday, some day, the thought block will be removed and the thoughts will flow like water gushing out of the opened dam. 

I'm waiting for the day the dams will open and perhaps, just write a book, than stopping myself with blogs😉

35 years of grace!

It is dark and eerily quiet. The sound of the blades of the fan cutting through the air is deafening. I switch off the fan and sit on my computer. To reflect and blog my life. The 34 years I had walked on this earth, as yet another human being burdening the planet. 

Where do I start? It has been one hell of a journey.

Life as I used to see it was never easy. For a long period of time at least. It wasn't ever meant to be. A few marks here and there and I could have so easily been a doctor or an IAS officer. A simple medical check-up, a few months earlier could have saved my mom. Little more effort from my side, I could have played for the Tamil Nadu state teams. It just did not happen. 'If only', had always been a phrase in my life for the longest possible time. That is what I thought for a long time. That life had not been fair to me. Or rather, it has not been an easy life. 

But when I reflect on life now, with all the wisdom of the years gone by, life on the contrary, has been ridiculously easy. Blessed will be a better word. 

How can I complain, with all the privileges I'm bestowed with? I wrote all my blessings down here and then deleted them. They are far too many to count and to be honest a little too surreal to show off. God has been incredibly kind!  Grace is the word I use. To describe a life that did not deserve all its goodness. 

Through the last year, when the world went through terrible times, I managed to live and work. To love and was loved. To find new friends and re-established contact with some old ones. What else do I ask for? 

As it has always been, I'm sure the new year is going to be full of dreams and incredible opportunities. Love and more love. Fun and frolic. Some music and writing for sure. Ofcourse the occasional nonsense. And a lot more Grace. 

That is how I have always known lyf!