Tests in Australia and Nostalgia!

 It was a difficult night to sleep. As I finished some late night work, my eyes kept going back to the clock and the mind to Brisbane. A few hours from then, the Indian openers will be walking in to bat in what could very well be a historic win. 

Win? In Gabba? Against this Australian attack? on a fifth-day pitch which is breaking? You are joking. ain't you? My fearful mind was chiding the heart. The heart, the hopeful heart, knew it all very all. It has been broken many times. Don't dare to hope, I told my heart as I went to bed. I set the clock for 6.00. Did not want another heartbreak by getting up earlier than that. 

Ah, we only have had heartbreaks in Australia.  

I was yet to enter my teens when an Indian cricket tour to Australia hit me. 1999! A man called Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar was all I dreamt off then. Sadly, SRT was the only man standing between Australia and a win. One man cannot win test cricket matches! Lesser men around him fell like nine pins. India was a walkover. 

The 2000s saw good Indian teams fight tooth and nail to win a test here and there. But winning a series? Winning a chase in Gabba? They still were dreams. petty hopes of the romantic heart! 

Then Virat Kohli and 2018 happened. We won! We finally won a series. Yet, it was not fulfilling. The Aussies then complained that they were not a full team. It almost felt like beating a dead snake. Also, we never won in Gabba. Gabba, the mighty gabba still remained the fortress!

I woke up trepidatiously at 6.00. Do I look at the score? Can I bear one more heartbreak? What if the score read 50 - 4? What if it read 70 - 0, said the hopeful heart. Hope, is a beautiful thing! I dared myself to switch on. A young man without fear was taking on the Aussies. The man knew no fear. Then another walked in. The same age. The same generation. He knew no fear either. Then another, and another. A generation which was not scarred by failure. A generation which knew no fear. They were carefree spirits, yet they cared! They cared enough to pull India through to the greatest cricketing victory Indian test history has seen. 

Experience scars you! My generation needed this gabba. Each one of us was scarred by our own insecurities, fears, shortcomings, failures, bugbears, broken bodies, bruises and misfortunes We needed to see that they could be confronted. And conquered. For hope conquers fear. And fearlessness leads to victory. 

The fortress is breached. Fear is conquered. Hope prevails. 

Test cricket marches on! 

The year of the unseen!

Finally, finally, we have come to the end. End of what is the most difficult year the world has faced in almost a century. All of us had had bad years, individually! But as a collective, the world would have been a much better place if 2020 not happened. 

There was a non-human living thing which brought the earth to its knees. Strangely, the thing was invisible. It was everywhere. We all caught it. A few, it killed too! Yet it was not seen. 

I realized this year was the year of the unseen. 

Our eyes had never seen the scores of migrants living around us. I had never seen, people who had jobs one day, going to bed without food the very next day.  The world never saw and knew the insanely complex problems a pandemic can bring to the world, And truly we never saw a world stopping on its path! 

As I reflected on the last year, I realized I had never seen my privilege as clearly as 2020 showed me. The privilege of having food on the table, the privilege of having a job through it all, the privilege of living with families, and even the privilege of social distancing. 

I look forward to a new year. New resolutions, new beginnings, newer friends and a lot of new learnings. Things that I like and see and enjoy. Yet, I also want to learn to look at the unseen now. To widen my horizon and see through the prisms of life I had never done before. To look at the innate quality of life in every human being, to learn and understand their pain, things unseen! 

I'm dropping the last year into the unseen limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect and unclear, and thank god that it can go! Goodbye, 2020! Hope to never see-through anything like it. 

To 2021 and to learn to look at the unseen. To a safer and more peaceful and a more clear world. A world where we can not only see the seen but also learn to see through the unseen. 

Happy, happy, new year!

What if she had said no?

I love counterfactuals! The 'What ifs' of life. 

In the 19th century Thomas Carlyle, the great Scottish historian spoke of the Great man theory of history. According to him, history can be largely explained by the impact of great people who are highly influential. I had often asked myself this question; Is attributing historical decisions to individuals the right thing? Or are people just products of social environment? 

Okay, I will declutter the cobwebs. According to Thomas Carlyle's theory if there had not been a Hitler there would not have been a world war 2. Had there not been a Gandhi, India might have not taken the route of non-violence to independence. Had Martin Luther not fought reformation might not have happened. If Dhoni had not been the captain, India might not have won the 2011 world cup. Are these statements you go with? Or even if Hitler had not been there, there would have someone else in his place who would have started the world war 2? If Gandhi had not been there, another 'X' would have led India on the path of Non-violence. You get the drift right? What is your opinion? 

Yesterday is the 150th birthday of my hero. Aunt Ida, the founder of CMC Vellore. I was quietly listening to the virtual celebrations happening, reminiscing on my stint in the hallowed lanes of the college, when the wicked brain threw up this question. What if Aunt Ida had said 'No', on that fateful night? 

Aunt Ida saw three young women die during childbirth for want of women doctors and went onto become one. She came back from the US to build a small dispensary which had gone onto become this magnificent monument now. So, what if Aunt Ida did not answer the call to come back that night in the affirmative? What if she had just stayed back in the US and had just practised medicine there? Would there be a CMC now? Where would I be, since my grandmother is from that place? What would have happened to all the women who were empowered by her single-handedly? 

Of course, counterfactuals are just lies. Aunt Ida responded to the needs of my nation positively, and truly grateful that she did. But counterfactual helped me understand perspectives. For one nod of the head in the opposite direction by one random lady many thousand miles from my place, could have just prevented me from entering the world. Life! 

The ball does not show the dirt

The very month I was born, a man was ruling the imaginations of many young people around the globe with his ability to dance with a ball in his legs. Maradona, the name spelt wonder! I have seen my dad go 'awww' as he spoke about the man's ability to dumbfound defenders with scintillating football moves. There is a moment, which youtube has shown us millions of times when he immortalised life with 11 secs of sheer brilliance. An 11-sec hymn! There was something about his football that made the world stop and look at him. Something! 

Yet, that man was a flawed human. His addiction to alcohol and drugs is well-documented history. He was banned for doping and investigated for alleged involvement with criminal gangs. In fact, he was sent off a world cup for drug usage. Accused of racism, abusing journalists and worse was even jailed for using an air rifle. Fighting court battles to disprove parenthood are not gracious acts. 

I'm fighting within my inner demons of separating the art from the artist. How do you celebrate a man, who has caused so much pain and anxiety to his near and dear ones, says the logical brain. Ah, look at his dazzling skills; how could you not laud the sheer magic of his dancing feet with a football? The heart rebukes the brain. 

When the #metoo movement happened and many of esteemed artists like singer karthik and the lyricists vairamtuhu were accused of misusing women, the brain did create a flutter. How on earth did I enjoy Karthik's singing of all people? Why, oh why Vairamuthu? Why did you let me down? was a constant chant of my head. Yet, the heart's ability to look at the art, apart from the artist often held the fort. 

Where do we draw the line? Can we celebrate art for the sake of it? Or should we expect higher moral responsibility on artists, just coz they inevitably become role models for the world around?

On the day Maradona bid adieu to football, apparently his voice cracked and he sobbed and said "La pelota no se mancha"  The ball does not show the dirt! 

The fallible human should never be forgotten, no not even with time. But no matter how hollow the humanness was, it should never be allowed to cast a shadow over the glow the art begot. "La pelota no se mancha"  The ball does not show the dirt! 

Lessons from the last six months

It is a surreal feeling! When suddenly you realize that you are leading a team of superstars, yet ordinary mortals. 

I had been part of great teams. In fact, I had even written about one here before. I had had some brilliant bosses, and have worked with happy and highly productive teams before. But this is different! Completely different. 

Six months ago, this was a different team! There were trust deficiencies. A boss had failed us. It surely was not a happy team. I, myself, had started looking for a different place. Our jobs didn't look secure either. Gossips started floating around. Everyone looked hurt. Confused would be a better word. 

Today morning when we gathered around for our morning huddle, it just dawned on me, it has been six months and we have never been a happier team! We survived the job crisis as well, and in fact, have never performed this well in the last two years. What did we do right as a team? I'm looking back and learning 

I learn life lessons through sport, and so, I'm bringing in sports here as well. 

1) Look for the small lights at the end of the tunnel: The master of the chase, MSD in his heydays, always did that. He will poke and prod for a single. The small victories amidst the glooming loss. He will concentrate only on those ones and twos, never on the nervous atmosphere around. It helped him stay afloat. My team did the same. We wrote a proposal; wrote it again and again and concentrated only on that! Till it got approved, our focus never wavered away from that small beacon of light, amidst the darkness! The light in our case was the chance to give the proposal, one more time. 

2) Regularise routines: When the going is very tough Rafael Nadal always goes back to the basics. Just plain basics. No unforced errors. No fancy backhands. And never the big booming serves. This is what we did. we regularised our catchups, which were missing. Calendarised our morning huddles. Suddenly as a team we felt like we were doing something right. 

3) Open conversations on expectations: Ambati Rayudu was considered a prodigy as a 16-year-old kid. Yet he was always an underperformer growing up, till he started playing for CSK under Dhoni and Stephen Fleming. He became the rock star he was destined to be only after that. Whatever changed? CSK gave Rayudu a clarity of purpose, which he missed before. His role in the team was clear. The expectations from him were written on stone. We tried that in STIR TN. Through the changing leaderships and confusing change in the role of the DL, we tried to define our roles more clearly. Our expectations were talked about more openly. We wrote them down. Even bigger responsibilities were carried, for the expectations were clearer. We do have a long way to go. But, clearer expectations led to even clearer role clarity. 

4) Learning culture: When the original dream team, the American Basketball team of 1992 Olympics was formed, it was full of superstars. They played their first practise match against a university side, and to everyone's shock, lost it. The team had huge ego's going against one another; Chuck Daly, the coach of the dream team, brought them together and helped them see an opportunity like never before to learn from one another. Here is the best chance for Michael Jordan to learn about Magic Johnson's iconic ball handling skills; How else can you become better than by being with the best themselves? In our first team meeting, when we were discussing the culture the team will abide by, someone said, it should be a learning culture. That has broken the ego's down. We are officially now a team of rockstars learning from each other, wanting to be better at every step. 

5) The friend to goto: Gary Kirsten had just taken over as the coach of the Indian cricket team. India had just lost a big world cup. They were hurting. The previous coach was the controversial Greg. Sachin was almost on his last legs then. He had seen more lows than highs. Gary went to Sachin and asked, what does Sachin want out of him. Sachin replied, 'I want a friend'! Deepening relationships had played a major role in the TN turnaround. We have developed healthy relationships. We have at various points definitely found it easier to work with the friend rather than the colleague. 

As I look back, it is worth it! Every single effort of each one of us. We started off as four, now we are six. We were working in 3 districts, now 13. We never knew data analysis, now we do pivot tables. We had bitterness. Now we sure have big and trusting shoulders of each other to trust. We were lost. Now we dream of extending the programme to the entire state. 

The last six months had been quite a ride! As I look back and thank the heavens, I also look forward. For the long narrow road ahead, filled with dreamy expectations and unanswered questions, does seem inconquerable. But for my team! The team of fallible superstars. 

Casteism and Patriarchy - Ideologies which kill

She was working in the fields along with her brother and mother. She was at a distance from the others and four to five men from supposedly upper-caste gagged her and dragged her to rape and throw her along the fields. It took the administration 4-5 days to take her to the hospital and then after her death the police, in the abode of darkness cremated her body while holding the victims family house arrested and cordoning off the entire area. 

India has seen 87 declared rapes a day in the last one year. Like this girl, most of it against the women from the lower caste. These cannot be treated off as incidents but rather should be looked at as structural crimes. What are those structures which keep perpetuating such crimes? Structures should have ideological backings! Then what are those ideological backings which conserve such practices? 

Patriarchy, that the man is higher than the woman in the ladder of social structure is one of the major ideologies backing such crimes. Casteism, that there are people born in this vile world who are beneath you and your dignity of life is the other. 

Do you ascribe to one of these? Did you and your coterie in the name of marriage adhere to the ideology called caste? Did you say, any caste but Dalit? Are you part of the group which looked for caste in your partner, yet think you are not casteist?  Yes, you, who hide your caste feelings in the garb of culture! 

Then those who subscribe to patriarchy. All of you who think that the man is the better half in a partnership! Those of you who believe that women should be in the kitchens of the world. Did you say that such things happen, coz women dress badly? Do you ascribe to violence against women behind the veils of marriage? 

Every one of you is responsible for such a crime, for you cohere to an idealogy on whose backbone the structural crimes of rape and murder of Dalit women happen. 

Every time I have used the word 'you', my computer hark back and ask me, what about you? It is time we look deep within; Look at the mirror; Ask yourself the question. Do you ascribe to casteism and patriarchy in some small form? Then you are as much a part of the murder, as those bloody rapists are! 

Till such ideologies exist, the structures backing such incidents cannot be broken! And ideologies should die in the bottom most pits of our hearts. 

The original Indian reformer!

My favourite professor was taking the class. I was still getting to terms with everything that was happening around the hallowed lanes of the Institute of Development Studies(IDS), considered among the leading institutes in the world. Prof. M was doing his third class. I was literally floored by the man in his first two classes; It almost felt like a dream to be sitting there. Suddenly the professor's face became bright. He started talking about his time as a young man learning from, who he considered among the greatest brains in the world! Dr.Manmohan Singh! 

Yesterday I was playfully chiding a colleague about me being a part of 'gen z' and not 'gen y'. Well, I hardly care about the alphabets attributed to generations. But I'm truly happy that I belonged to the generation which enjoyed the fruits of Dr.Manmohan. 

Till the early 90s, India was called the land of poverty and filth. The land of snake charmers. The closed country of intrigue and mystery. We had closed our economies to the outside world. The government was mandated to provide everything. Private capital was seen as a dirty word. We waited for years to get a telephone connection. Maruti was the only car available, and that, only for the rich. My dad said he waited for a few years after he ordered chetak scooter. Only the government-provided education and only an abysmally low number could be accommodated. Government jobs were the norm; There was a middle class waiting to explode.

The year was 1991 when Dr.Manmohan did what is now called the dream budget. He removed import controls, and let the world look at the Indian market. He cut customs and excise duties. Exports were promoted. In the sectors which did not warrant government intervention, he opened out the markets Suddenly the IT boom and the manufacturing sector looked at an Indian middle class. India which was growing at around 1-2% GDP, started seeing double-digit growths. A generation of middle-class Indians including me lived the dream. His dream!

As I entered the hallowed lanes of LSE, there was his picture, right there on the walls along with those of the other great economists of our generation. The great Cambridge university has a chair in his name. 

In times, when mediocrity and noise are being celebrated, Dr.Manmohan Singh may be an outlier. But history truly will treat him kinder. For a real light can never be hidden! 

Happy Birthday, Dr.Manmohan Singh! You are the original Indian reformer. And I'm truly thankful as one of the beneficiaries.