What is a better life?

"There is a crocky here", we should look out for him said 'P'. 'Crocodile' you mean, I asked him. Oh yes, there is one crocodile here, came the nonchalant reply. "Ah, we are fine. We are sitting at quite a distance from him", said he. His body gyrations suggested he wasn't bothered much about a crocodile. 

We had just found a place to talk! On the northern tip of the Australian coast, deep into the aboriginal territory of Arnhem land, in Northern Territory, Australia. I was in my usual cross-legged position till 'P' told me about the crocky. We looked around for it, and a little further down in the shallow sea, we did spot him. Strangely we were comforted having spotted him. "It is easier to have an eye on him if we can spot him, said 'P'". His actions did not suggest a tensed muscle. He was as calm as the surrounding ocean.

So with a crocodile as a listener, albeit at a distance, we started our conversation. 

My organisation had sent me there to listen to and if possible measure the work of  'P' in that part of the world. 

We started discussing his life, his work and its impact on the community! Aboriginals, the ancestors of the land till people from Europe came colonising the land, had lived there forever. Their population though has over the years diminished and only a remnant remains. Now there are workers like 'P' who are trying to empower these people to live better lives.  

But, what is a better life? 

How do we define a better life? Who can give one a better life? Can human beings help each other to have a better life? 

'P' is a professional pilot. From a country and a culture completely different from his current location. All his batchmates are captains in big commercial Boeings and Airbuses these days. But he chose this place. "In the middle of nowhere", as he defines the place. Among Aboriginals who the world doesn't want to live with. 

It suddenly dawned on me, that 'P' is not even facing the crocky. He had an absolutely stunning sense of calmness to him. Perhaps there is a better life. Perhaps 'P' knows it. Perhaps that is where the calmness comes from. Perhaps the 'Ps' of the world, will keep throwing us the light on our dark paths to the so-called 'better life'. 

Is there a better life? 

"P" showed us a freshwater spring right beside the sea

In the middle of nowhere

                                                      We flew this to the middle of nowhere

Disappointment with God

 

I had just had a huge failure in life. The future looked bleak. I was confused. The phone call rang at that time. I remember the call like it was yesterday. It was my mom. It didn’t start with the usual “Sam di chellam” excitement. It started off with “Sam ma” and then she stopped. Her voice quivered. She stuttered. I’m diagnosed with cancer. Final stages. She said these words and cried. I was in faraway land. I was still a student then. The next few hours were hazy. I don’t remember any of them. Just have vague memories of a friend putting me to the airport and the long flight back home with tears rolling by. I remember the neighbour on the flight asking me whether I need help. There, on that long flight journey, started my inner struggle with God and disappointments with Him. 

God is not fair at all. Here is my mother, the greatest human being I have seen, my pillar of strength, my best friend, one of the best doctors this part of the world has seen, adored & loved by everyone around, having to go through this. I mean, people throng to see her to get healed. I have heard people say they come to see her smile. How many more could she have cured? If only God had been fair
The struggle within the heart of the young adult then was intense and the pain was real. 

As days went by, and with every passing day for the next ten months, I fought with God. He was not fair after all. I tried to reason out with him. ‘Perhaps He didn’t think through it well.’‘My mom would be a blessing to many more if God would heal her.’
Simple logic, ain’t it? But why didn’t God get it? I asked the question many times. The questions my heart had then had no answers. Life had no answers. 

In your early twenties, you are taught to be strong. To show the world outside that you are strong. Also, me being the elder in the family, warranted me to be strong. At least I thought so. I was to guide my younger brother, traumatized father and troubled mother through this phase, I told myself. I was broken inside, often fighting back tears, fighting depression and fighting God but on the outside, I showed myself to be strong. 

Did God fail me? 

Of course, He failed me! Those ten months He failed me every day. I clearly remember one day at the hospital; a fine woman of God came to pray for amma. She said, “Not a hair on your head will fall”, as a promise. I clutched onto it. In fact, I hung onto every small positive verse in the Bible and thought that was God trying to tell me something. Very soon chemotherapy started and not a single strand of hair on my mother’s head stood at the end of it all. In that sense, God failed me. He failed me big time! He failed me every time. 

As I look back now, nine years later, here are a few lessons I learnt through it all. 

 

1) God fails people: I’m sorry, I’m not going to sugar coat and say God never fails. He fails people, often. It’s not God’s job to make all our wishes come true; He’s not our personal genie or fairy godmother. God doesn’t work the way we expect. We can’t make plans for God and expect him to follow us. He is not, in the words of C. S. Lewis, a tame lion. God doesn’t always work the way we expect. Elijah expected God to be earthquake, wind, and fire. He expected God to turn the people back to HIm instantaneously. But God didn’t work the way Elijah thought HE would. God can also work through a whisper; He can (and does) use other things to bring people back to Him. From my perspective, I am pretty sure that my mom would have been a blessing to many more if only she had lived longer. He fails, because our understanding of God’s success and His understanding of the world are sometimes opposite. Does God mean good for me? He does, but His definition of what good means for His people is vastly different from what I define as good for me. Every time when God fail me now, after the struggle within through that year, I tell myself, perhaps there is something good which God sees through it. What is that good which God saw through my mom’s sickness? I don’t know. I don’t see. But He sees it, and that is the most important thing.

 

2) Master is always right: On the day my mom passed away, in the funeral service, my dad made a statement, which has stayed with me. “Master is always right”. He means good for me. In His sight it is good, even if I don’t see it. But the most important thing is, the master is always right. He decides what He wants to do with my life. I’m but to follow whatever he wants me to do with my life. 

 

3) Time heals: Does time heal? I have often asked myself this question. There have been days when I have missed amma, days when without amma life is very unpleasant, and I have wondered what a joy it would have been for her to be around; but to be really honest, those days are becoming fewer and fewer. As time goes by, the hurt has gone off. I do miss Mom. I still think my life would have been so much better if she had been there but time has healed me. We have all learnt to live without her and God has helped us to overcome the trauma of it all slowly but surely. 

 

 

4) Where else do I turn to? As frivolous as this may sound, every time when life has been very difficult, I have only turned to God, for the simple reason that I don’t have anywhere else to turn to. To cling on to the hope that God means good for me and only God can mean good for me through everything in life is the single biggest lesson I have learnt through it all. I cling onto God, for there is nowhere else to go to. 

 

I often think, if God conducts a wrestling match and wants to select people, I will be among the top choice, for I fight with God often. I lose hope and faith every other day. Failures have thronged my life and many times I have declared God dead in me. It has been many years of the fight, and I suppose it is going to be many more years of it. God has failed me, will fail me but I go back to him, coz where else will I go, if not to His Love that has meant good for me in His own world and in His time.

When we commit our way to the Lord, we can be sure that even through life’s disappointments, God is big enough and good enough to get us on the best path, even if it’s not quite what we hoped for.

Chruch, morality and grace

I'm born a Christian. Brought up in a fairly spiritual family. Through all my doubts and fears and questions have held on to the faith and look forward to many more years of christendom. I think, this is good enough reason to write to the wider Christian community. So here I am, bear with me!

Growing up, the image of the christian community that was impinged on me was of righteousness. Movies were taboo! Missing church on a Sunday is criminal. No TV at home. Jesus was the strict task master who punished every sin and every small innocent childish mischief. Though the ultra liberal dad did help in balancing, the church and the Sunday school always stressed on righteous living. Though the Youth groups I went to were a little liberal, the liberal nature of that youth group was thought of as a sin in the conservative circle.

And then through the tumultuous twenties and when Church started making sense, most of what was shared from the pulpit was again on righteousness! Holy spirit and worship were terms often thrown around. People who found it difficult to relate to difficult technical terms like those were looked down upon. So this church thought the other form of worship was unholy and the other church thought they were the sole proprietor of holy spirit. I had often looked down upon the young boy who stood outside the church and the man who came late. Very often I had felt 'Holier than thou'! and had taken pride in bashing the unholy.

I clearly remember one day we discussed on how a boy had fallen in love and he should not attend youth meetings! Recently I heard from a church that the members have banned another member because of some financial irregularities in his work place. I had even laughed at people who don't dress modestly during communion service. When people struggled with their faith, we thought they did not read the bible regularly. Questions on biblical integrity was often rebuked. You don't pray well enough, that is why you are asking such questions was often the answer! Somehow, deep within my heart there is this "I'm holier than the other" feeling that had crept in.

Well, I guess I have done enough of Church bashing. Now to some context to bring more sense.

When the maestro Ilayaraja said there were YouTube videos on how Jesus never rose again and he does not believe that Jesus is the Son of God, the Christian community is up in arms. There were posts on people asking him to apologize. One even read, "மன்னிப்பு கேழ், மன்னித்து விடுகிறோம் "! (Ask forgiveness, we will forgive). Oh, the high pedestal again. That we are better than you to forgive you

Deep within, there is this nagging feeling that God, the Yahweh God, is sad at me. 'Grace', is the word which HE wanted me to show the world. To put that arm around the hopeless, the faithless and the bitter. To accept people as they are, as sinners, as doubters, and as unholy.

I have to accept that I sincerely believe the moral fabric of the world can be built in the church! All my moral leanings are because they taught me righteous living. Yet with due regards to my church and my brought up, I believe the church has bigger things to offer than plain morality.

We are here to offer the world 'Grace'.

If, somebody does not believe in my doctrine I defend to death his right to believe and I will show only love to him.  If somebody has crossed my border of spiritual obscenity, I put my arm around him and say 'It is okay'. If somebody thinks his form of worship is better than mine, I don't mind. If somebody sins, Grace and nothing but Grace I show him.

I understand the need to insist on moral standings. If we are not taught the lines clearly, they blur after sometime. Yet, I draw my line and let you draw yours. And we both hug each other even if our lines are at crossroads.

And I say it again. We are here to offer the world 'Grace'

Christianity and caste system - Oxymoron

Rohith Vemula, a young Dalit(hate using the word here) research scholar and student activist of the University of Hyderabad, would certainly not have wanted to die. No one with dreams does, after all. Yet he killed himself! He was in fact killed by the phantom limb of caste system on which this pretentious democratic credentials are superimposed.

This gutter called caste system! Is it all worth it? Worth the life of a brilliant young mind? 

When I read this news I was at the same time fighting against this within a community which considers itself morally superior to others, yet follows this sham called caste system. Yes, the christian community, one which I am part of for a pretty long time, shamefully still follows caste system.

Why do I talk only about this community? I know them well enough and I'm pretty sure that the holy book which this community adheres to absolutely does not support this

Sadly, almost everybody I talk to, know that its origins should have nothing to do with the so called christian principles which they claim to follow; Yet, in the inner most hearts, they desire their children marry within the same caste! They want reservation for their children and the grand children!

Dear christian community, Casteism is plain wrong. The Holy Bible does not prescribe to marrying your children within the same caste. The christian religion does not support anybody belonging to any caste. The church should not be based on casteism, and if they are it is a sham (For want of a harsher word). Please respect every single human being, as a soul wanting to live a happy life. In the name of a stupid, baseless, discrimination called casteism, if you continue to divide people, woe unto you! You do not deserve to be called the followers of the Jehovah God. Period.

PS: Sorry for the harsh rant; I vent out anger on blogs you see!

Potter's clay

When the best friend called to remind me to write on this, my mind started to wander. Where did it all start? Where is it going? What is it doing? Why is it doing all this? Questions as usual came in clusters and 'answers',  well they are after all 'answers', did not bother my mind. So i decided to dig deep in search of them.

Well, Im talking about potter's clay! For starters, potter's clay as the name indicates does not denote geologic clay, but a christian organisation started way back! 'Way back' is all that i could recollect how much ever i dig. I could not even recollect the year, leave alone the date. I got it! 2008 it is. or is it 2009? But much before that the seeds were sown some where else.

Me and the best friend always cherished Sunday evenings. A group of friends met over a cup of coffee and some biscuits and discussed God, Bible, Country and what not! It was always followed by a game of cricket. Always! There in that small town of Sivakasi were those seeds sown. Seeds as ideas. Idea to start one such group, many years after those glory days of sivakasi, when me and the best friend had no other work on a sunday evening in the crowded city of Chennai.

Like all Tamil Youngsters from small towns, Chennai attracted us too! We had jobs, we had money, we were independent and more importantly we had the time. Time to think, time to recollect and time to reminesce about all that was good in Sivakasi and all that we missed in Chennai. Well, as usual the best friend had an idea one fine day and we decided we will do it. The idea was to gather friends in Chennai and meet over a cup of coffee and bisucits on boring sunday evenings. We just had to find a person who will give us the snacks and the place to meet and of course, had to look for a cricket ground too.

Chitthi and Chitthapa were kind enough to allow us in and greater still, gave us the much needed snacks. We started as four(Two other close friends from hometown joined). We did this for many weeks, even when only the two of us met, we enjoyed it! There is joy in HIS presence.

Slowly the four of us started giving programmes in churches and were blessed! We loved being in that company and i truly treasure some of those memories. We travelled far and gave programmes, planned for that, prepared, prayed and found ourselves to be doing some thing meaningful in life; 

May be i dug too deep! am not able to control the flow of answers!

There were similar friends who were looking for worthy things to do. Through common friends and word of mouth, we all came together and slowly the numbers started to increase. We had to move to a bigger place and a church in Kodambakkam was kind enough to give us their place and also the snacks!

So we meet on Sunday evenings, take turns for bible studies, invite special speakers, attend special programmes and even now conduct programmes! People have moved on and newer guys have joined, the enthusiasm has ebbed and flowed but potter's clay canters on. Never for once it has stopped. HE has been gracious enough.

We really think friends can be life changers and that is exactly what we try to achieve. We want to be friends with people, especially youngsters who come to chennai wide eyed and suddenly find themselves lost! We want to be friends, who will be the shoulder to put your hands over and also the friends who will say, ' Not this way'. May be that is our mission, our vision! To be friends!

Where do we go from here? I personally don't know! and almost don't care! HE started this and HE leads us on. When he decides enough of friend making we will shut shop. Till then, we will walk in the direction which HE shows, which till now has been to "Live a christ centred life" and help people do that. 

May be Africa has some thing to say to the world!

In war-torn relationships of Northern Uganda, forgiveness is complicated. Betty was a teenager when her village was raided by the Lord’s Resistance Army, a rebel army known for its brutal tactics and widespread human rights violations. She was kidnapped as a sex slave for a commander and ordered to commit callous acts of violence as a child soldier, until gradually she was broken and became an active member of the LRA.

After six years of bloodshed, however, Betty managed to escape, running across the country to freedom. But coming home would not be a simple matter of returning. She had committed violence against the very people she hoped to rejoin. Her own guilt and shame was as palpable as the mistrust and anger of her village. In her absence, two of her own brothers had been killed by the same army Betty fought alongside.

In the midst of such loss, with so many permanent scars, forgiveness might seem hopeful, but naïve at best. Is reconciliation even to be desired when brokenness is so irreversible? Does forgiveness cease to be hopeful when neither party can ever be the same again? From where I stand, these are painful questions to even begin to answer.

But the people of Uganda are trying. For hundreds and hundreds of children like Betty, terrorized by crimes they were forced to commit and returning home to terrorized villages, tribal elders have adapted a ceremony to make it possible for both. In a ceremony that includes the act of breaking and stepping on an egg and an opobo branch, the returnee is cleansed from the things he or she has done while away. The egg symbolizes innocent life, and by breaking and placing themselves in its broken substance, returnees declare before their village their desire to be restored to the way they used to be. In a final step over a pole, the returnees step into new life. In many cases, women returnees come home with babies who were born in the bush, usually a result of rape. When they arrive at the broken egg, the child’s foot is placed in the substance, too.

May be, the spirit of reconciliation, is what the world needs!

This is what the cross symbolise and may be that is what the world needs to know from Africa.

Death - The ultimate enemy?

I keep coming back to my blog, even when i am sad, for this is where i think i am more 'me'. A hell lot of emotions are going through my mind today and sorry if this write up does not make sense to you.

My uncle died yesterday night, probably due to a massive heart attack. He was my "gnana thagapan" (A title given to three senior people in a family for each child born to guide the parents in growing the child). The death was a real shock to the entire family as he was doing well of late. But these things happen, i presume! Life moves on Sam, I told myself.

 Just two days before he was talking to me over phone;I never thought that would be my last conversation with him. My mom was pulling his legs saying we should see another bride for him as he looked trim and had cycled his way home. Even as my family mourns and conducts his last rites, I am sitting here in another part of the country thinking about him, all that he did for us, all that he asked us to do for him, his funny antics and every other thing! Well, finally, everything goes out for a toss, when man lay down in that casket.

He was planning on a family tour, had planned to buy some land, and had planned to cook some dry fish the last day! But, everything came to a standstill yesterday. Well, all our planning, will also be put in to that same casket i think. Is this it? Is this all there is to life? Probably there will be another bright day, when all will be forgotten and our pace of life will catch up to us. Once a year, that too, for some time, we might remember him, but then? Does that mean, man finally had to lose to death, the ultimate enemy?

No, my mind refuse to accept defeat. There is hope. There seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel. May be, we might all meet in heaven at last. What a joy that would be to meet mama and listen to his stories. Yes! there is hope; Death cannot be the end; Death can be and will be conquered. Not through science though, but by that divine hope!

Rest In Peace, mama! we will all meet you there.

Father's eyes

I love the song "Father's eyes" by Amy Grant. Those of you, who have not heard Grant before, please do. She has been referred to as the "Queen of christian pop", and remains the best selling contemporary christian singer ever.


"Father's eyes" is one of Amy's best songs. I love the lyrics, so also the music. There is something in that song, which make me hear it one more time; May be, those words "father eyes" has that pull.


The words goes like this

"Eyes that find the good in things
When good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found
Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain
Knowing what you're going through, and feelin' it the same"

The father's eyes had it all; The good, the compassion, that sense of knowing what you are going through. My eyes, do they have it all? I wish I have them!

My father's eyes.

MISSIONARIES, YES!!!! BUT CHRISTIANS??????

Missionary is a word which denotes the person “Following a mission”. Before the christian perspective of the mission came in to existence it would just have been another word in the old oxford dictionary. Christ's Mission was so profound and so wonderful that the entire word missionary now resonates the christian perspective of missions.

When Christ said, “ Go ye in to all the world and preach the Gospel”, he gave us the direction for our mission. The Gospel, is so wonderful that it loses its essence if we preach it without fully understanding and living it..........This brings us to mind the great missionaries of yesteryears, from the father of it all “Paul” to the modern day “Stains”.

They had Christ radiating in them, HIS love overflowing from them, that it is difficult to separate them from Christ. Missionary is what they are …....... Christianity is what they lived out. It was difficult to separate those two words, “Christianity” and “Missionary” in their lives. They lived what they preached and preached what they lived........But, are the modern day missionaries different??? or are they missionaries after all??? or has the definition of christian mission has changed???

It is very true that the modern day, computer man has lost the love...... but as modern day missionaries have we lost that love as well??? or has the mission work is so much that we forgot what love is??? When Christ went on HIS mission trip people were won over by HIS love......People thronged HIM not just because He healed them but also because they saw HIS love. Do we(supposed to be modern day missionaries) show the same love which Paul showed, which Moody showed, which Ida showed or is mission work becoming more important than that love.......The LOVE which he showed us on the cross......

I don't consider myself a missionary and I am not......I don't consider myself worthy to comment on any missionary and hope I don't.......but I have a nagging feeling that tells me that modern day missionary is trying to replace, mission commitment and success in missions for Love and that cannot work........Since you have to be a Christian first to be a missionary......You cannot be a christian if you don't have or show that love.........or else, we can be hard working missionaries working towards a mission.........but that is not Christ's mission.

Still we might be able to prove what the old oxford dictionary tells.......

Who are you, after all???

I was walking down a lonely road. It was dark, so dark that the next step is a step in faith. You could almost hear the silence......I looked above to see the night sky. What a fabulous sight!!!! Like a black crown decorated with diamond studs all over it. The moon was at its brightest......Shining like a silver sun.

Even as I was walking I thought of the words, GOD tells JOB in HIS famous defense.......

What is the way to the abode of light?

And Where does darkness reside?

Can you take them to their places?

Do you know the paths to their dwelling?

What words!!!! Words so pointed, Words so sharp.......As if, asking man, Who are you, after all??? Or is that what he really meant??? That question kept haunting me......Who are you after all???

Living in a village, which even the GOOGLE does not bother to put it in its map, You sometimes think like a ruler.......Aren't you??? You sometimes mock at the happenings of the world.......You sometimes, think the world is not properly run.........You sometimes, think that the world would have been a better place had you been doing that.........Who are you, after all??? GOD laughs at our thoughtlessness, or rather at our thoughts.

There had been greater people in this world and there will be still greater ones. There were many who conquered the world, or at least tried doing it. There were people, who made the entire world stand up and applaud. Some of them left marks which even the might of time could not wipe out and some of them sacrificed their lives for greater causes......Greater people had lived in tougher conditions. YET!!! still you sometimes say, “GOD I have done the greatest sacrifice in this world, and some times you don't even consider mine”.........Who are you, after all??? God's words are sometimes pungent.......

You know how big the world is??? The sun powerful enough to turn white skin bronze and to coax oxygen from every plant on earth, ranks fairly low by galactic standards. If the giant star Antares were positioned where our sun is – 93 million miles away – the earth would be inside it! And our sun and Antares represent only 2 of the 500 billion stars that swim around in the vast, forlorn space in the Milky way. From our hemisphere only one other galaxy, Andromeda is large enough and close enough (a mere 2 million light years away) to see with the naked eye, twice the size of the milky way and home to half a trillion stars......and these two are only 2 of the 100 billion galaxies likewise swarming with stars.......and yet you sometimes feel like, if you stop, universe will collapse........Who are you, after all??? God repeats the question, again.

Probably, yes!!The world is so big, that GOD has many other duties to do, other than looking at me......Probably, yes!! There are so many in the world who have done much greater deeds than me!!! But, Why should GOD, come down if I am a nobody, my mind still struggles.........And that is not because you are an anybody, but because HE, The maker of the big, perfect world is.........  

Are we becoming more Christian than Christ like?????

Christian is a person who adheres to Christianity says Wikipedia. Christianity is the monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth (Christ) is what Wikipedia says about Christianity. The words Christian and Christ have a kind of linear relationship I reckon. But!!! Is this linear relationship becoming increasingly curvy??? Is the difference between Christ and Christian becoming more pronounced??? Or to be more precise, Are we becoming more Christian than Christ like??? is a question that kept coming back to my mind again and again.

In an increasingly monotonous world where the only way to reach your neighbour is through electronic signals (The same way used to contact our friends abroad), it is becoming increasingly difficult to show Christ. The easiest way of course is to be a regular in the Sunday morning services, which of all things, has given way to this new concept of “Christ less” Christians. Attending the Sunday morning Church services half an hour late has given us the token for the entire week to live life as if, Christ as a person never existed. By writing about Sunday morning services I mean the great “Christian traditions” and in no way I am against going to Church on Sunday mornings. The problem with Christ always has been his inability to live within the traditions. He was often found performing miracles on the poor and the wicked, when he was supposed to dine with the clergy and do no other thing. He did his miracles on Sundays and encouraged his disciples not to Fast when he was around. He was always far off the target set by the clergies which made them run after him in anger.

As Christians of the modern world we are also facing the same problem which Christ faced in his days. “To embrace what Christ did” or “To go along the river of traditions to show that we are Christians” (after all Christ himself wanted us to show that, Didn’t he?) are the options God has given us. Two weeks back, I was showing some photograph of my sister with a small Kid (2 years) to my younger brother (10 years old). He flinched his eyes and said “Ah, that is a Hindu Kid. What??? I asked myself!!! A Hindu Kid!!! My mind said there was something fundamentally wrong…… No, No, My brother is too small, I comforted myself. After a week, some colleagues of mine joined together and planned to go to an orphanage and spend some useful time there. One of my colleagues (A Christian) said to me, it would be nice if that is a Christian orphanage. Ah there it goes again……I asked myself this question when I went to an orphanage not run by Christians and to be very honest I preferred being at a Christian orphanage on Sunday evenings rather than something else……We are more comfortable in the presence of Christians, Which sadly Christ never did, nor was he more comfortable in presence of the clergies. We, often without our knowledge are more comfortable with the Christian tag than the Christ like tag. Christ wanted us to go in to this world and live among the people of the world, the sinners, the down trodden, the lost, the sick, people with varied traditions, cultures, values, and principles, and live should we, as people showing the LOVE that he showered on us.

The Christian tag is nice and beautiful. I love wearing that and roaming around. I am proud if some body calls my name and asks me whether I am a Christian. I really love calling myself a Christian. But, if that is what is preventing me from mixing with people around me, in the same manner in which I mingle with other Christians, then I prefer people calling me a non Christian. Christ never carried that tag around and I am sure he does not want me to carry it around as well. I prefer being Christ like than to be a Christian.