Two years on, life is still rolling on ma!

It is still sinking in ma, that you are in a place where even your voice could not reach us, for I can still hear that "Chellam, chinna kada vellam" you start every telephone conversation with often!

It has been two years! Phew! Two years without you? That bizzare emotion could never be explained in words.

As somebody who does not believe in reincarnations, and believe in life ever lasting, I hope I see you again ma. Want to see that smile again; that smile can melt hearts.

The house, you left could never be the same ma! We all try. Honestly! To replace you. And has failed. Failed miserably.

Daddy has struggled on! Valiantly; The brave man he is, he looked to have moved on. Me and Dan, the very reason you lived for, have tried being brave as well. In our busy lives. With the wives. But in our innermost hearts we know that there is this place, which could never be filled.

The extended family you left! Wow, is the word for all the hard work they have put in, to be in your place. To play your role. But can it ever be perfect without you ma?

The hospital has huffed and puffed. Without its star player. The rock star, you were, i understand how difficult for it to run without the captain.

But ma, through it all! We have not stopped. Not once. We don't and won't! For if we stop, you fail ma! And we, who had lived under your glory for all this while will roll on. Slowly!

When we sit down tomorrow to celebrate your life, and remember your life, I hope it just does not end up being a time of just praising you. But a time to learn life's lessons from you and apply it in our own, for you have showed us the way.

For we want to live it like you did!


A few pics from the family tour a month before she was diagnozed with that dreaded disease! May be the last few of her photographs!

The basketball dribble! Sweet Music!

As I walked across the basketball court, a small tear fell down. Even as the world around me was getting ready to watch the match, I went down memory lane!

My school life and sports were inseparable. And basketball was the major sport I played. Yes, I played cricket for school and the district, shuttle badminton at quite a high level, basketball was the first love.

Though small and plumpy I was, this sport known to help big tall people, gave me a spot in my school team for 7 years and the college team afterwards. And through all the 7 years in school and the 4 years in college, this sport had always treated me well

My mind took me to the first victory when we defeated the renowned home team as a school boy of 10; then to the accolades which followed when we conquered the entire district. Oh what fun we had! A small group of 5 people passionate about playing ball, going around the district playing every day.

The day, when in front of the whole school, as favourites when we lost the match! Felt so bad that night, I could feel the embarrassment now. Then as a crown, when we won the senior district tournament and when all five got in to representing the district, what joy it brought.

The mind fickle as it is, brought to me the beautiful memories of playing in the Chennai, Kilpauk indoor basketball stadium where we played under packed audience, also brought me to the bad loss which happened on a sad morning in paramakudi, a day which I could recollect like yesterday. The day, when a win could have made us play in the enviable school states, brought us crashing down when the captain clutching his calf sat out.

Victories, defeats, accolades, embarrassments, fighting spirit, working together as a team, the fun, the laughter, the shoulders to cry, the ice creams, treats and more importantly beautiful memories Basketball gave me.

As I left, I could hear the ball dribbling in the distant court. And it sounded like music! Sweet music!

There we are with the district trophy!

My father! My hero!

Sam, should I take him to the hospital? Or shall we leave him here to be at his home during his final stages? His confused look said it all.

Here is a great man, 'V', one of the best doctors the country has seen, asking me, what he should be doing about a patient?

The patient lying near him was his Dad. That says it all. As the father lying there taking deep breaths, surely in his last few hours, the son, the great man, held his hand and with his other hand ran his fingers over his head. Time stood still. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke.

That moment took me down memory lane. My father was the only thing I ever wanted for a very long time in my life. He was my ultimate hero. The earliest memory of my hero was him sitting with a book in a chair in our balcony, legs crossed. I walk upto him, he keeps his book aside and take me onto his lap. And that was it. That was all I wanted. To be in his lap. To be touching his paunch:)

And then I grew up. The hero worship though never really went away. The times we have walked around the town with hands on shoulders like best friends do are some of my best memories for life.

Times have changed. The mother, who had been his fulcrum is no longer there. He is gradually getting old. The logician in him has almost vanished. The emotional man very often appears. The childishness in him is long lost; gone! The love is more often shown outwardly. Life!

Yet, he is the man who I always wanted to be. My hero forever!

As the great man wiped the occasional tear I saw a pride in his eyes. The same pride I have when I see my father.

Happy father's day people!

Three Decades of Craziness, failures, crashed dreams and bliss!

It is finally on! No running away from it. Officially I’m entering the fourth decade of my life! Phew, I feel really old.

So how has the last decade been? Of craziness, failures, crashed dreams and bliss! I know those words contradict. But that is how my life has been. 

A decade where my dreams made me do crazy things. Where the childhood dream of working hard supposedly for the betterment of this country in a interior jungle happened. Where the crazy idea of quitting a highly respected, highly paid job in the glitzy Chennai's IT suburb happened. Of course, the agonisingly close failure when another of those crazy dreams came crashing down, when I came tantalisingly close to clearing the IAS exams. And yes, this decade had the saddest demise of the mother, someone whom I loved and miss so much.

It did have the wedding, the usual brilliant family, lot of 'In law' love - sometimes embarrassing, sometimes overwhelming, the beautiful friends, the best dad, a brother to whom I owe so much, the sister who has just poured out love, and of course the wifey for whom I cannot thank enough. 

So what do I do in the next decade and after? Should I keep following the crazy dreams? And do whatever my mind and the inner heart tells me to do? Or just settle down peacefully? 

Is thirty considered too old to be trying out things? Following your heart? Should I by now decide what I am going to do in life and start thinking of settling down in a place? Should I still be the strong, 'I do what I do' individual or should I mellow down, and start listening to the wise folks? or can't I be both?

So folks, bring it on! My life the last decade had been a roller coaster. What will and should the coming ones be?

The precious family times!

When out of no where this photo cropped up, I went down memory lane! Oh what times those.

That was an yearly routine. Every year, we went out at least once. For 3-4 days. Away from the mad rush called life. Away from the 24*7 doctor life my mom lived. Away from the patients. Away from the phone calls. Away from everything. It was just us. Year after year after year. This was a routine.From Kodaikanal to Ooty to mahabs to Rameshwaram to munaar to the interior jungles of Jharkand, we have done it all.

We pulled each other's legs. Laughed out loud. Walked miles with hands over shoulders in to the distant night. Gossiped. Fought about the changes the country needs. Fought on various other issues. Spoke about boy friends/ girl friends like best friends do. Tried different kinds of Ice creams. Took crazy drives. Slept on each other. Played pranks. smelt rain. Built sand dunes. Drenched in rain. And did every crazy thing we could do, together!

So, during the night family prayers we would laugh and we laughed. Pulled out half way through. Pointed fingers at each other. And the laughing often went till midnight. Much to the "Early to bed - Early from bed" Dad's irritation. And that added to the fun. To let him sleep and then to wake him up.

Often the long drives would be debates. Sometimes the usual Dad sermons. But most times pulling his legs. And we would start laughing again. The last of it was Rameshwaram. And as usual we laughed over the family prayer. Laughed so much that I puked. And then laughed all over again.

Is there any better this world can give than quality family time? Ah! the innocence and purity of love those times had

The Farce called 'Development'!

So, we had this dinner meeting in the GRT star hotels; We all met to discuss the cancer screening project which is being piloted by us along with another department in some interior villages of Madhya Pradesh and Chattisgarh.

And with a beer in his hand, the sponsor who had funded this project, hailing from a western country asks this question; "What do you think about the modern developed India?"

Modern Developed India? I looked at him. An old man! Should be in his 60s. A nice man. He means good for the country of India; He means good for the human race;

Am I not used to this word by now? Still, coming from a foreigner it took me by surprise.

So, sir, how do we define development, I shot back? So all these big IT companies, the big industrial estates, the bridges in the cities, and the roads in the towns are all the development we are talking about! Isn't it sir? I asked. Ya, I know, there is poverty but still....he lingered on. I know, what he was driving unto.

I am suddenly realising how a farce image of this development is being throttled in to our throats. Any country for it to be developed, should give education(Atleast till the school level) and health care to every single citizen of it, without any money or with money which is affordable to every single one of them. And India, has not even started that process. Without, giving health care and education, every other development for me is farce!

Tax me all you can. Every where you can. But give me good quality, honest, education and health care, at affordable cost without any delay, I consider that development.

And for all of you who rave about Indian development in the modern era, twenty years from now, we cannot trust any private health care professional in this country for the simple reason, we won't know where did he do his degree. And ten years from now, we will be paying our blood for our children's education just because, our government's educational machinery has failed and the private players are going to rip you to the barest bone.

I don't mind driving along a bad road to drop my kid to a good quality government school or to take my parents to a hospital whom I can trust and whom I can afford; I would prefer that any day than to drive in a four lane expressway to a school who will fleece me, or to a hospital whom I cannot trust.

Don't get me wrong. Not that I don't want the economic development and the good roads and the newly developed cities. Just that I would prefer we also think of the educational and the health sector when it comes to development.

I know my voice is shrill and frail in this constant bombardment of the word development by the newly elected government. I understand the world looks at development very differently than how I look at it. But still, this is my idea of development. And I truly believe without this, we have no hope for development.

And after this discussion, we went back to our goal of preventing cancer in the interior villages of MP and Chattisgarh. And that is the irony of our development.

Genius, takes your breath away!

How many of you played a sport in school? I did; Every single day of my school life. In fact that was my solace. Most of my present day memory revolves around the ground. Either the cricket field or the basketball ground.

And always, there was this boy who made playing sport look ridiculously easy. When the most talented among us, huffed and puffed through an inning, he would walk straight in and hit that remarkable cover drive, which made us all look pedestrian. There were many many days when I had opened batting with one such guy, and you have to keep telling yourself that you cannot do what he is doing. 

That is what separates the men from the boys! The most talented from the genius. And watching the genius perform his art, is among the greatest joys of sport. 

And what if at the same time, two genius perform their art together!They take your breath apart. They are too much to fathom. A sight which happens once in a blue moon. Imagine Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan playing on the same team? When Sachin at his peak is partnered by Viv Richards at the crease? What if, Roger Federer and Pete Sampras play each other? Or Serena play alongside Steffi Graf? 

That was what we witnessed when the unbelievable Virat Kohli plays alongside the irresistible De Villiers. Whoh! What stroke play. They made Dwayne Bravo, the greatest exponent of death bowling in the modern generation look ridiculously stupid.  

For all I abhor IPL, its greatest achievement for me is making these two bat together. And when they are in the mood. Make way and have fun! For genius, should stand alone. And when two of them stand together. We better watch out.