Friendships and influences!

In a lonely room, in a corner of the world that didn't exist in my vocabulary till the last year, I sit and ponder on 'friendship'; Well, today being friendship day, I guess there aren't many better topics to contemplate and muse about. 

The wifey once said this to me, and I have often thought about it; "You have the remarkable ability to talk to different people differently"; Was it a compliment? Perhaps, a left-handed one! but I seriously think it has to do with growing up with multiple friends and trying and learning to live from each of them. 

So I decided to do an exercise and write the names of all the friends who at various points in time have been an influence on you. Did friends influence me? Well, here is an example! 

One rainy day in Delhi, 'M' and I decided to do dinner together. I don't remember whether I came late or how this topic 'time' came about in our conversation. She took a class on how it is important to respect time! That day I promised myself to respect time, mine, and everybody else's. This was just one example to show that most of our lives have been influenced by different people. Of course, this is such a trivial thing; and surely my parents have insisted on the importance of time at various points in life but this blog is to talk about friendships and influences. 

As I started to think, the list became bigger! Innumerable people; Numerous friends. Some crossed by life. A few ran the mile. Some still juggle along. Every one of them has been an influence on life. At that point in time, something I did had their mark on me. 

I think about all of them today! Those who stayed long, and those who left the course. 

As the wifey said, I have learnt from all of them. To live and to talk and to walk and to love and more importantly to adapt. My life would have been a lot less worth living but for them, the friends. 

Do you have friends who influenced you? Has your life changed for the better because of friendships? Think about them today! thank god for them. Say a prayer of blessing on them. 

Happy friendship day!

Amma's eighth-anniversary musings!

I have often asked myself the question, whether people from heaven watch the drama unraveling on earth? If so, they could never be happy! how can someone be happy looking at the trouble their wards are going through in this wicked world of ours? But heavens are supposed to be happy places, right? 

Today, eight years ago, Amma passed away to glory! So was she watching over us, and of all people, 'me', during these times? For, her greatest grouse at the time of her moving on was her son hadn't settled down the way neither she nor the son wanted to be. 

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya and from here I'm onto Monrovia, Liberia. Work is taking me to the remotest corners of the earth and I'm grateful for the job I do now and have actually been doing in the last few years, for God had been incredibly kind, in giving me great opportunities to learn and to grow in the field I had chosen for myself. I'm truly happy and contented! 

One fine evening in Munnar on a long walk, with hands on her shoulders, I told my mom, that I was not happy with what I was doing then. The corporate life I had chosen then, made no sense to me. The world said I am being foolish to resign. Everyone around said I'm risking my career. I know my dad didn't bother much about all that, for he was crazy himself. But it was my mother's statement that day that made me take the final decision. She said, "Do whatever keeps you happy"! 

I don't think I understood the profundity of her statement as much as I do now! For if she hadn't made that statement, I don't know whether I would have dared the adventures life had taken me through. 

Ma, if you are looking from up above the skies, do turn your glance to the African continent; There in a small guest room someone will be furiously typing at the computer at this random hour. That is your son. Your precious son is happy and satisfied and in fact, doing really well in life! 

By the way ma, did you look at my son? He has stolen all your smile genes! 

Fatherhood of man!

How does it feel to be a father, Sam? The question was repeated for the umpteenth time; As I joined back work today after what had been a crazy week and a half, I took time to gather my thoughts together to answer that question. How does it feel to be a father? 

It surely does feel a little nervous! As someone who had been extremely independent, a little too distracted, and surely as someone who could never fit into the societal box, it really feels nervous to be holding a child with the responsibility of guiding it through this wild vile world. How do you teach him to do 'X' without him learning to be 'Y'? How does it work, for someone as arrogant as I'm, to teach a young kid humility and empathy? Won't your child look at you and look at the insecurity? Would he learn to say 'Please' and 'sorry' and 'Thanks', rather than learn from the world of toxic masculinity? Ah, the nervous questions the mind throws at you! 

How does it feel to be a father? It surely feels surreal. I had always been good with children. Always! The niece I loved the most, loved me the most when she was a toddler. Every time 'G' called me 'tham thittha' (sam chitha), I felt loved. When we ran around playing 'catch-me', it felt natural. Yet, this feels bizarre as the helpless, small kid lying on his back and rolling his eyes all the time, somehow had to call me the father and love me! Perhaps, with time the sense of love and wonder will take over. But for now, Surreal is the word. 

It surely feels exciting! As someone who relishes new challenges, novel ideas, and fresh learnings, what better field than fatherhood to learn and experiment😜

It also feels a little complete! I have been an ardent advocate of being complete in oneself. Whatever that means, I sincerely believe every individual is and should be complete in themselves. As much as I think my previous lines have been real and true, fatherhood does bring a 'completed' feeling to life.  

So, how does fatherhood feel? 

I know it has only been a precious few days and I have a long way to go. Yet, In a nutshell, the arrogance of thinking I know the world all too well has been put in its place. I do feel like being at the jumping-off point of a 'Roller-Coster'. I'm all buckled up and ready. A little nervous. Surreal. Happy. Complete. And surely excited. 

The friend turned hero!

Age hasn't slowed her, even as the grey strains of hair are beginning to show up. As she bent forward to examine the broken feet of the man, she showed no signs of tiredness. "Aap kyun nahin hospital aaya" her words radiated anger and pain. A tinge of frustration as well. "Kal aao, mein aapkeliye treatment-free banaya". I followed her words carefully, lest my poor Hindi misses something important. I gathered that she is promising free treatment to the man if he comes to the hospital tomorrow. 

The man used to beg. Occasionally collected garbage to earn some money. In a freak accident, he had lost his legs. Life cannot be this cruel. It had hardly given him anything before. A small plastic sheet that he calls home. The old cot on which he is lying down. Wife and three children. Few utensils to cook food. The dress on the family smelt old. Old will be an understatement. 

There is pain everywhere. It was suffocating. Questions thronged in my mind. Where did it all go wrong? Children on the streets, begging. One food a day, if available. Ragged clothes. Pigs and humans almost eating in the same place. No place called a shelter. People eating rats. Children and women dying dime a dozen. Life had no value. The world of poverty and pain. The world I hardly understood. 

In that sinkhole of terribleness, 'S' and family serve. One patient at a time. One more man healed, even if temporarily, healed nevertheless, at least to live one more day to beg. 'S'! The 'S' I had known so well. The 'S' I grew up with. The earliest friend I know. 'S', the best outgoing student from the best medical college in India. 'S', the mother of three beautiful children. 

As we walked back home with heavy hearts, She narrated all the stories of pain that she had witnessed over the years. I saw something that I had missed seeing in her all the years. A complete sense of serenity. Three young kids don't frustrate her. Their future doesn't make her anxious. Hundreds of patients thronging every inch of the place don't irritate her. The pain and suffering around her don't make her helpless. 

The work is incredibly satisfying Sam, she said. 

'S', her husband 'G' and her friends, and everyone serving humanity in that place. Flickering lights in the darkest of places; keep my hope in human beings alive. 

Is there hope for humankind? I don't know! Perhaps 'S' has an answer. 

I went to the poorest state in India. Among the poorest districts of that state, and among the poorest areas of the district to meet a friend. I came back, watching a real-life hero in action. For 'S' surely is a hero this side of heaven. 

If your hero becomes a friend!

Do you have people in your life who you have watched from afar and secretly adored? The cricketer or the film star or a celebrity or the Neighbour next door. A person you have watched in real life or reel and wished you have that kind of talent? Wished you have that confidence, the attitude they carry, that articulative ability, that quality of thought process, the sense of humour, or sometimes even the anger? We all have a few people in our lives like that, don't we?

What happens if you have not met the person, nor spoken to the person but have just quietly adored from afar for a long time and suddenly one fine day realize you got to be good friends with them?

I gathered enough courage to ping 'N' and froze when the reply came in. Here I'm texting a long-time hero. How do I not freeze?

'N' wrote beautiful prose and even better poetry. 'N' was articulate, courageous, brave, funny, and feisty. Everything I'm not and wish I can be. Ah, when 'N' ranted on social media there are thoughts that I have taken time to think through and they came from deep pain. Articulating pain, I promise, is the single most difficult thing for a writer, and 'N' can bleed pain. Every time I read it, I went 'awwww'.

'N' responded gracefully. Within a few minutes of the conversation, I became comfortable talking. There started a good friendship, a friend to whom I go for opinion, thoughts, ideas, and assurance.

How does it feel to become good friends with your heroes?

Now, with all the wisdom of the grey hairs, I sometimes think heroes are ordinary people highly skilled in a field of activity. One also realizes heroes are normal human beings with their own yin and yang. But then, what is so romantic in life, if we put even our heroes within the same box as the monotony.

I loved it when 'N' used to be a hero almost a decade since. It is better to have 'N' as a friend now.

But can't we just let heroes be? I wish I keep 'N' on the pedestal till the end. Let proximity not diminish the sense of amazement; why should age destroy the wonders of the youth?

This blog is to celebrate another year in the life of 'N'; My friend, my hero!

Happy birthday 'N'. Here is to many more years of being the rockstar that you are. Godspeed!

My two cents on Hijab and education!

The court verdict didn't come as a surprise to me at all. Ah, we know it all too well, don't we? 

For those who stay away from the daily news and thus haven't heard about this issue, here is what happened. A few girl children were banned from entering school premises with their hijab on, citing various reasons, one of which was that Hijabs aren't part of the school uniform. The girls went to the court and the Karnataka high court has let the schools have their way and said that the girls have to follow the rules of the school and should not wear Hijab to school if the school says so. 

Social media is filled with hundreds of opinions and so I feel indebted to give mine as well. Here are my two cents. 

I think the role of the state(govt) is to make sure the necessary provisions reach every citizen. By necessary I mean food, security, health care, and education. I don't care if the state where I belong gives me a sim card or runs an airline, but I want the state to provide every individual, with those necessary things I have mentioned above. 

It is the mandate of the state to make these things available through every objection possible. Cultural, religious, and regional barriers should never come in between providing the basic necessities to its citizen. Any barrier, the state should try to overcome. 

If I, as a citizen of a country, tell my child that he/she should not study unless he/she wear a particular dress, the state should find a way out of it, to help my ward get education through the complexities. A citizen can complicate his life due to economic, cultural, and religious pressures. But a progressive liberal state in the modern world should look beyond them. 

So in the current scenario, the govt should actively promote educating the girls. If the girls say they will come to school only by wearing a hijab, so be it. Educating that one kid is a hundred times more important than everyone wearing a school uniform. 

Our state gives free food, so that the children come to school, at least to get food! That is how important education is. Even economic problems should not come in between a child and their education. Religious, cultural norms can surely be overcome, if only we have our hearts in the right place. 

Is the heart in the right place though? Does the state intend on educating, 'every individual '? 

I sincerely doubt the intentions of the state! 

To be happy or to be perfect?

Jonathan Liew wrote this about Shane 'the wizard' Warne

                    "I love that he wasn't perfect and most of all I love that he never tried to be"

This got me thinking about the eternal pursuit of mankind, 'happiness' and does it indeed come in-between perfection? 

I'm the happiest when I have parotta's and mutton chukka for breakfast (Yes, we get parotta's early morning in my hometown😅), beef biriyani for lunch, and Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner. What a life would that be! I'm drooling now, typing this. Phew, how I wish I can do that every day? Can I afford that sort of extreme happiness? Is that the pinnacle of happiness in the first place? I'm not sure. 

But I'm sure it also makes me happy when the weighing scale does not cry when I'm on it; But for that happiness, parotta's and my biriyani's cannot do. 

When the former Indian captain Virat Kohli spoke about fitness and diet and how he has managed his body, I dreamt! I dreamt of becoming one such. Obsessed with fitness, perfect in the diet; Does achieving dreams lead to happiness? I think so. Can and should I sacrifice my parotta's and biriyani's in the pursuit of that happiness? 

Why should I sacrifice day-to-day happiness at the altar of perfection? In the pursuit of the illusory 'happiness' again? I mean, am I not already happy?

Ah, such a complex question. Perhaps life isn't all about happiness. Perhaps there is more to it than what meets the eye. Or is it? 

I guess, to each his own! 

For now, the weighing scales are crying as the parottas and the biriyanis are keeping me happy! Some day, one day, I will try to be perfect though😉